Re: a comment on Barking Bargain by Dovina	5-Jun-07/3:10 PM
I think you and ranger need to pedal these Kedntucky mountains to appreciate the "bulk" of dog attacks and my apparent overstatement of the problem. Your solution to the last stanza still has the dog running after a loss. Anyway, the point is overwrought by all involved. Yes, I will not be writing about hills when in Kansas, and I hope to keep this series going as the trip progresses. Thanks for your comment.
Re: a comment on Barking Bargain by Dovina	4-Jun-07/10:04 AM
The dog did not come out for a loss; he came out to bark or to bite. I think you know that and wish to antagonize, or maybe I should be as precise as you always are. “too much of a threat, too little to trust,” is the dog’s conclusion that friendship with the cyclist is too much of a threat and that she is untrustworthy.
Re: Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	4-Jun-07/8:37 AM
Is "spice" a color? Could drop "the" from "the shiny." and "The cotton." "dreamy paradise" sounds cliche. the two above comments are good. Otherwise good.
Re: a comment on Barking Bargain by Dovina	4-Jun-07/8:31 AM
Yes, that’s another way of saying the same thing. But don’t you think the precision needed to make sense of it has already been said in the poem?
Re: a comment on Barking Bargain by Dovina	4-Jun-07/8:30 AM
You realize, I hope, that this is a part of a series by a bicyclist on her way from Atlantic to Pacific. The “bulk,” I think, is necessary to put a simple dog attack into the larger picture.
Re: Soul Mate Found by Blackshadow	1-Jun-07/7:51 AM
"love that felt so true" and other cliches like "the test of time" detract from otherwise good rhythm.
Re: The Story of Wolf and Moon by Blackshadow	1-Jun-07/7:48 AM
Some wordiness,such as "It is a story of true love" could be just "a story of love," similar suggestions throughout. "Our path, it leads Us to Our fate" is such a common theme that, expecially when said straight out, comes accross stale. Otherwise, some good rhythms and some good lines.
Re: C. by skaskowski	28-May-07/9:32 AM
Seems like some graphic image written in C++. Otherwise, what is the title about?
Re: Close your eyes but keep your mind wide open by darylchew	28-May-07/9:28 AM
numb with self-denial - doesn't show much. And it tries to tell something, but what?
Re: a comment on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	28-May-07/9:23 AM
“’Bovine eyes’ sounds wretched.” I used “bovine” to avoid what I thought was the wretched sound of “cows.” Maybe I made it wretcheder. “’Free from fence and milking’ sounds terribly clunky.” I admit to often sounding clunky. The sound of poems is a thing I’m working on. “What is wrong with she pants (UP) a lonely hill instead of lying in the shade.” That’s a good suggestion; better than the way I had it. I don’t like “up” though – sounds clunky. I’ll change it to ‘she pants a lonely hill / instead of lying in the shade.’ “Anthropomorphism is dodgy at the best of times but even if we attribute thoughts to the cow, why would it assume from seeing a human cycle up a hill that she was 'free from milking'” Those bovine eyes stare at me with the provincial look of someone who always lives by the norms and never ventures. Such a person complains about the milking tubes her owner attaches to her tits twice a day and about the fence that holds her in, but she never really wants it any other way, because that’s how dairy cows live. “From their perspective you are behind a fence too.” From their perspective, I am free from the fence, which they know every inch of. “The cows rebuked” Maybe I didn’t make it clear, but the cows are not rebuking, the cyclist is. She preaches to the cows - a daft idea, perhaps, but each to their own. “I would say in the alcohol of afternoon, then you have a metaphor for the weariness and blurriness. As it stands it reads that legs draw concentration like alcohol draws concentration.” Actually, that is what I mean. Working legs draw blood from the brain, which in the weariness of afternoon, after cycling most of the day, has an effect on the brain similar to drunkenness. Still, I like the way you phrase it. I’ll change it to “In the alcohol of afternoon, / legs draw concentration,” Thanks for your comments.
Re: a comment on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	28-May-07/9:23 AM
I also find the discussion about articles interesting. I’ll take your comments one at a time: “On country road in mid-Virginia” Maybe it’s an American preference, but I think “a” shows that it could be any country road, where no article implies some particular road called “country.” “The cyclist pulls up another hill” You are right in saying that the cyclist is a particular person and that she does not pull a hill, but rather ascends it or pulls up it. The cyclist is, as you say, at the center of the poem, so on that basis I could agree that “the” should be used. You say that she is “not just a cyclist,” but really she is. I want to show her as nothing great or worthy of separation from other cyclists. “Past the house with mammoth lawn. The use of 'the' here specifies that the house is a landmark rather than just any house with big lawn.” But really it is just another house with a big lawn. The country people of Virginia take pride in their lawns. Sometimes I pass a run-down house trailer with three acres of mowed grass and a fine garden. “Visual input does not soothe tired eyes.” I often find the opposite to be true when cycling. The sight of a well-kept dairy farm soothes the strain on my eyes that has come from staring on the road, avoiding death by coal truck or passing car. “the cows look up,” Here I agree that the cows are almost as central to the poem as the cyclist, but they are not particular cows, and therefore the definite article “the” seems inappropriate.
Re: a comment on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	26-May-07/2:52 PM
Groan! I never noticed the alphatization you find so appalling. To me, the “a”’s just roll by unnoticed. Yes, please do write an article about this. It’s these subtle unnoticed quirks of mine that irk people in the strangest ways. I love to irk, but on my own terms. Thanks for once again pointing out a sound-defect in my work. They easily escape me.
Re: a comment on 1945 by nypoet22	24-May-07/11:08 AM
If there is a heaven for homosexuals, which doesn’t seem very likely for Stephen Robins, it will be very poorly lit and full of people he can feel pretty confident he will never have to meet again. It is only partly because he is ashamed of himself and wishes to remain unrecognized that this environment seems so desirable. The chief reason is that it makes possible contacts of astounding physical intimacy without the intervention of personality. To either partner the other is garlanded with fantasies.
Re: a comment on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	24-May-07/10:10 AM
Line 3 should prolly be "a dairy barn behind." "instead of lying in the shade," could lose the article, but darn, I need it for rhythm. ok, I'll dump "the" from "wrestling with the norms," Like it better now?
Re: a comment on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	24-May-07/9:55 AM
By Job, you've got it. The answer to your question is - yes.
Re: a comment on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	24-May-07/9:54 AM
I see your point. Verses 2 band 3 are past tense, all rest are present. My "good reason" for changing tense was to stress a change from just observing to drawing inferences, however strange, given the cyclist's weariness. I'm going to revise it, since everyone is having trouble following this biker's reasoning.
Re: Ode to Jack by Skamper	22-May-07/11:09 AM
And poetry is lost - And since romance is the beauty of things far away or gone, let the poetry of who Jack was roll on. May parents were not nearly as romantic during their lives as they are now. I like this.
Re: a comment on The Editor by Dovina	22-May-07/10:55 AM
I gave you an honest comment on you poem. There's no need to smash back at mine if you don't like it.
Re: a comment on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	22-May-07/10:54 AM
Just might do that. Aparently it's not clear and needs superfluous language.
Re: a comment on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	22-May-07/10:51 AM
You're not the only one not getting it. See my comment to the others.