Re: Waiting for October by wilco	28-Jan-05/11:10 AM
A sad wait indeed. For what? Seems like it needs to say what she's waiting for.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-Jan-05/10:59 AM
Too fragile . . . to move on. Yes!
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Jan-05/4:16 PM
I laughed a little and thought it clever. "airbag suggested he stop" is funny. "species" seems a little off - I dunno, competators maybe.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Jan-05/4:20 PM
I disagree! Winter is a wonderland that I miss here in perpetual summer of Southern California. Not badly written though.
Re: Baghdad Election by Mona Lisa	31-Jan-05/11:31 AM
Very timely. The war is lost, yes, sadly.
Re: Satan's Pillar: The Wisdom of Heresy. by SupremeDreamer	1-Feb-05/3:07 PM
Well, for starters, try “ask” in the first line. Nothing like bad grammar to tick off satin. The second verse (lines 2 & 3) doesn’t hold ginger ale because when a pious person comes to death, he seldom says that, but rather glorifies God. After that dismal beginning, it improves. The statements to the dead man are poignant, if futile, since he’s dead. Wait a minute, he’s alive again in the “dispirited” verse. You must mean in the afterlife. Whatever, that aggravates your cause, don’t you think? Presuming an afterlife? So here is the pious man arguing, presumably with Peter or some such Golden Gate Keeper, justifying his righteous life. But then it’s Death that laughs, so the whole thing is getting ethereal and weird. The argument continues, but it seems futile. The man is already dead and in no position to change anything. Other than that, it’s a fine fight.
Re: Ode to Brittanyy and her Dyke Jacket. by DreamerSupreme	1-Feb-05/8:53 PM
That's not nice!
Re: Save our Self(revised to be a trek into the vent tent) by Crakyamuni	1-Feb-05/8:54 PM
Doesn't make sense.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Feb-05/12:13 PM
The vertical alignment only adds confusion. The last four words don't make sense.
Re: Harry & the Little Bird by Goad	3-Feb-05/12:14 PM
What a poet will do to stick to a form!
Re: Pictures of June by wilco	3-Feb-05/12:20 PM
Having trouble following this. Postulates are not proven, maybe that's the point. I like the first line.
Re: Pictures of June by wilco	3-Feb-05/4:07 PM
Well, I'm still not gittin' past the first line. Punctuation and capitalization more user-friendly might help, what with line 2 not really bein' a sentence an' all. An' ah never seen a brainwave collapse on no film. Guess I'm kina simple that way.
Re: Lent Begins by jessicazee	4-Feb-05/7:48 AM
Good story.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Feb-05/12:48 PM
So nice to know you care enough to emulate.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Feb-05/12:52 PM
Weird. Sounds scary and ridiculous at the same time. If I knew anything, I might even vote.
Re: love's jealousy by singinkygal	4-Feb-05/12:57 PM
A few too many words. Try scratching - love's, fills (make it fill or scratch fills my body) hatred springs to life, evil, again unreservedly, devastation.
Re: DUI Violation by amateurR	4-Feb-05/4:47 PM
Good. Try omitting "Driving along fast" and "my" in the line above.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Feb-05/4:48 PM
Good rhythm and a nice ending.
Re: Thanks (Dovina) by jroday	6-Feb-05/9:09 PM
The first verse of this poem is the most tender and nicely worded sentiment I have read in a long time. Some people on this site will say I’m just swooning to a line. Let them talk, because I believe you. I’ll give them their only satisfaction by saying that the second verse is a bit cliché, but it too is something I believe you mean. The third verse matches the first in warmth and tenderness, and the line, “even when you don’t understand” is perfect. Thank you jroday, you’ve been through a lot and come through strong.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Feb-05/9:13 PM
Isn't it a bit arogant to say that's your only flaw? I assume you're exaggerating purposely. But because I don't know, only a 6.