| Re: Frozen by Mona Lisa |
11-Feb-05/3:38 PM |
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I didn't read it back in '03, but this edit is intense. I'd take the parens away from "mine" and the "a" from "ferocity," otherwise great.
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| Re: My Angel by jroday |
12-Feb-05/7:59 AM |
A tender expression of love. The king James English is a nice touch, but several places, I believe the grammar is wrong.
Line 1 - "doth" is spelled "doeth", but should be "do" in the plural, or just leave it out. Other lines similar.
"shalt" should be "shall" after an I.
"surely thou doth knowest" -> surely thou knowest
"inspiring my soul to happily moan" - good line.
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| Re: Kiss of a rose by backstreetdreamer |
12-Feb-05/8:06 AM |
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A lot of vague attempts at imagery here that are not developed. Some seem there only for rhyme and rhythm. The cadance is good, but I miss finding any strong point to it all.
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| Re: Simple by wilco |
13-Feb-05/8:32 PM |
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| Re: Valentine's Day is Two Days Away and I Don't Feel Loved by MacFrantic |
14-Feb-05/3:17 PM |
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"Her charming come-hithers" is good. The rest so-so.
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| Re: Insanity by Lifeboatman |
14-Feb-05/3:21 PM |
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| Re: Poem Written on a Ketchup Stained Paper Plate by woodstock20000 |
14-Feb-05/3:23 PM |
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Get a title and go with it - not bad.
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| Re: Children in the Storm by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
14-Feb-05/3:31 PM |
Second to last verse is very nice.
window sill
Stop scaring me
wherever
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| Re: Piercings by PsydewaysTears |
14-Feb-05/3:34 PM |
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Forced rhymes: sneese-please, three-be
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Feb-05/3:39 PM |
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I see the nails-wounds thing, but how is her surface in your limbs is like Christ on electrodes?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Feb-05/3:43 PM |
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An often-told tale of aging, but nicely told.
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| Re: a study in blossoms and beauty by oneglove |
14-Feb-05/3:46 PM |
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I'm glad I'm not your woman. I'd hate to be gushed over like this.
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| Re: Bleed ,Rip and Tear by NoSage |
15-Feb-05/3:42 PM |
Please don't call this a sonnet. Thank you, I feel better now.
The first half is a nice little sermon on using small hurts to our advantage. Some will say that all preaching in poetry is bad. "Show, don't tell," they chant endlessly. But I like your little sermon. Then you get weird with the lukewarm thing, as if you might be bringing Scripture into it. And when God talks, well, it seems like a another way of saying to use hurts to our advantage.
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| Re: Little Fly by PodPoet |
15-Feb-05/3:49 PM |
lol. It's not clear whether you're serious or poking fun, and that makes it a good poem.
I don't think you should call it Concrete.
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| Re: Never... by jessicazee |
15-Feb-05/3:53 PM |
A lot of these lines are just silly, but "Never believe anyone who doubts your trust" makes sense.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Feb-05/4:01 PM |
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The first nine lines are good, but need some trimming. The rest is downhill.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Feb-05/3:01 PM |
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Your switch to the first person in the last line is distracting. Otherwise vivid.
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| Re: Garage sale by INTRANSIT |
16-Feb-05/9:02 PM |
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I'll give fifty cents for the scenery and because most of tha ants are sick.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Feb-05/7:51 AM |
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Pretty good really. Overwritten, I thought at first, but no, pretty good.
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| Re: PG Naughty by Miggy |
17-Feb-05/4:37 PM |
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Disgusting. An 8 for the writing, 0 for doing it.
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