Re: Applicative-Order Fixed-Point Operator by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	26-May-05/8:15 AM
You have 9 open and 8 closed. Remove the first open in the second line. If you'd used my method this would not have happened.
Re: Horatio by april fool	26-May-05/8:30 AM
The third verse seems weak compared to the rest.
Re: Forbidden by Caducus	26-May-05/8:33 AM
If you're using punctuation, why not in widow's?
regarding some deleted poem...	26-May-05/6:48 PM
I think you'd do better using "we are" in the title, seeing little gain from the intentional mis-grammar. Same for the last line. It crosses lines of straight/gay fantasy and could even apply to women.
Re: Inspiration from absurdity by INTRANSIT	26-May-05/6:53 PM
Commas mis-spaced, but otherwise a tough ride.
Re: Aimee by LintyWeenis	27-May-05/4:56 PM
Title is great; wish you'd done more with it. Leave out "It is".
Re: Applicative-Order Fixed-Point Operator by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	27-May-05/4:59 PM
I feel really sad you got no response on this other than mine. I have an ace response in mind, waiting for time and inclination.
Re: Last Night by Roisin	27-May-05/5:02 PM
This is really good. I'm with you all the way. The start of verse 3 is weak.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-May-05/5:44 PM
The dust bowl of dead bodies reminds of the Scripture “From dust you came and to dust you will return.” So to carry the Christian theme a little further, you could say, “This world in a dust bowl of unborn.” And since dust accumulates into food and clothes, we become clothed and fed with unborn life. But all that is mere take-off on you poem, a practice I hate when done to me by someone who makes no comment on the poem itself. It’s a “Do Unto Others” thing. From your dusty beginning, you have a substantial diatribe against killing or in favor of killing. I think you mean it satirically against the Christian ethic of killing for “good” cause. The quotes around “I am doing my father's work!” should be single quotes, I think, with a closing “ after this line, and “lot’s” I would make “lots.” I like the biblical ring of it.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-May-05/5:57 PM
Projecting adult thoughts back to the unborn baby is an interesting concept, in the way a flashback in a novel is. It depends on creating an interest in the reader prior to flashback. While you've done this to limited degree, the difficult language of the early poem did not set it up for me as I wished it had.
Re: Distraction by zodiac	30-May-05/6:00 PM
That's the problem. I'm still in a world of my own. Even with this sharing of a jumble of thoughts and the difficulties of sorting it out for writing, no gap is bridged, and it's still a jumble.
Re: Life and Love by windyone	30-May-05/6:04 PM
Seems unfinished. Not that you should just tell us the outcome or the backstory, but some clue please.
Re: Nomad's Oasis by Caducus	30-May-05/6:22 PM
Some good prose, but the theme is too far fetched to compel. What on earth do you mean by, "heaven is a mirage unreachable as a woman."
regarding some deleted poem...	30-May-05/6:26 PM
Good play on the old song. The oil ran out and the times changed, an obvious connection and one that needs no more "feeling" than that. But how would I know.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-May-05/6:32 PM
Crazy, crazy!
Re: Aimee by LintyWeenis	30-May-05/6:36 PM
Codependency perhaps, I say whatever works. A complex issue made clearer in just a few words.
Re: Slowing - or, A Love Poem with Eggs and Short Lines by zodiac	31-May-05/9:16 AM
I'm taking it as a late-period activity where Verse 2 either conflicts with the ending or there is a change of heart. I go with the latter.
Re: Reunion by jessicazee	31-May-05/9:37 AM
Gets better as it it progresses. Spooky. Find a synonym for "factory"
Re: Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	31-May-05/11:20 AM
Dear DoubleU, zodiac, Intransit, and rockmage, Thank you for expressing disillusionment. All of you seem to think I must have meant something more than “She wanted to look different,” and for granting me that much respect, I thank you. Imagine a woman who tries all her life to match the ethics and appearances her peers expect from her. She knows she is different and wants very much to be accepted. So she dons stylish clothes and adopts mannerisms, hoping to be perceived as cool. But despite her efforts, she finds herself always saying the odd thing or acting in some unacceptable way. One day she meets a woman with green tips on her newly done nails. That’s odd, she thinks. Why would anyone deliberately do something odd? Then it dawns on her that this woman just naturally fits in and feels bored with the thing our woman spends her energies trying to gain.
Re: Where I'm From by lil_evil_boi	2-Jun-05/12:20 PM
If you'd just made a list, it would say as much, and as little.