Re: As the Flowers Bloom by nothingtoanyone	7-Jun-05/5:30 PM
Are you a drone in love with a female worker. They have no interest in the likes of you as they bring home the nectar while you loaf about the hive.
Re: Chthonic Steppenwolf by SupremeDreamer	7-Jun-05/5:41 PM
Good, but words like mordant, cicatrize and chthonic are off-putting when familiar words will do. "Child spirit ripped apart, splayed across the rocks of time" - good line
Re: -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	7-Jun-05/5:45 PM
Very good up to the last verse. I'd end it with "Kids are easy to kill." When you get preachy, it loses a lot of force.
Re: on my hog by nentwined	7-Jun-05/7:16 PM
Rocks only sit on pavement when seven beats are needed in the second line of a haiku. Otherwise they are just on pavement, which sounds better. Damn forms.
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Jun-05/7:49 PM
Written a bit crudely, as if by a junkie, which may be appropriate.
Re: lawngazing by skaskowski	9-Jun-05/8:03 PM
The first verse is perfect. Second verse can be taken so many ways thet I wish it were more directed. Third verse is good, but when I try to relate it to the first, I come up wanting. Overall, I like this kind of poem.
Re: Why? by windyone	9-Jun-05/8:08 PM
The first two lines express an important issue, but not very well. Criticism can help writers who have something to say, say it better. Most of the criticism here does not do that.
Re: A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus	10-Jun-05/10:56 AM
This starts our really good. I don't know what you mean by the slabs rolling, or why she still looked 20. Verse 3 is great. Verse 4 is good. "wood" must refer to her cane. Verse 5 is a bit strange, and kissing on shadows of the lost - well, I see you relating to the old couple as you imaging aging with your lover, but it could be better said.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Jun-05/11:04 AM
This is a good read even if I don't follow the story. Some good lines and some funny lines. Second to last verse is good. Sometimes I wish you would tell us a little more about what you speak of. Maybe I don't want to know. Overall fun to read.
Re: Muggy by fevriere	10-Jun-05/11:10 AM
I wish the first verse carried the meter of the rest.
Re: Missing by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	10-Jun-05/11:16 AM
First verse is good. But then it gets wordy and convoluted in places. "I watch you and wonder to myself" for example - is there any way to wonder besides to yourself? And what is this "darkness engulfing me"? Still, the poem has potential.
Re: -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	13-Jun-05/3:23 PM
The last verse is better now, but look at the grammar and spelling. desecration abound (number disagreement) There are more bodies (There are - not needed) snapping THIER necks.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Jun-05/3:32 PM
It's a touching story, especially the last verse. The first verse is hard to decipher.
Re: A Hallmark Card for You (With Love) by Bluemonkey	13-Jun-05/3:34 PM
I'm trying to think of someone I might send this to, and coming up blank.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Jun-05/4:09 PM
I'll hold off saying why I'm laughing. For now, I'll just take exception to "togetherness that was never there to begin with" as meaningless. I like the spacing.
Re: on passing through some small town by Dental Panic	13-Jun-05/4:15 PM
Drop the first line. Second verse is good.
Re: Flamingo's Stare by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	13-Jun-05/4:18 PM
I think you could say this better with the restraints of haiku.
Re: I Wrote A Poem by Blue Magpie	13-Jun-05/4:22 PM
Like Dr. Seuss. The ending is weak.
Re: Youth Spent by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	14-Jun-05/9:52 AM
It has some good lines, but overall it's too mushy for my taste. "love so clean so void of emptiness" seems disingenuous.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Jun-05/10:00 AM
The rhythm moves it along. The : is distracting. The dream is eerie.