Re: The blankness of his life by Nicholas Jones	10-Dec-06/5:13 PM
I find it more funny than dark.
Re: despaired old age by mystic enoch	13-Dec-06/9:35 PM
The usual sequence is spring then summer, so I began intrigued by the switch. But then you mention autumn in its traditional old-age meaning, and winter coming, which totally confuses me, because I thought you would say something besides the worn-out aging/seasons thing. "Longing for the next" could be made into a "spring" metaphor, but I find only "eyes cast downward." Clarity seems lost here.
Re: Lost In It by PoeticXTC	13-Dec-06/9:38 PM
Way too non-directional and unclear. I think you need definite statements, not wishy-washy expressions.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Dec-06/12:52 PM
Ok, it's a good story and a bit funny, but it lacks poetry, which is not bad, just not poetic. Fewer words, clever words, unusual combinations of words, imbic words -- yep, then it's poetry
Re: The Picture by Caducus	14-Dec-06/12:57 PM
I like this up to the last stanza. There, the angst about Jesus seems another subject, detracting from the unique way this picture was painted or drawn.
Re: Chord before the crescendo by Caducus	14-Dec-06/1:28 PM
The first two verses are great. I lost you in “My boxed instrument burned,” (think you could omit it) but the rest of Verse 3 is good, and the last line is great.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Dec-06/1:37 PM
Would be nicer to hold the beginning rhythm, instead of drifting off into prose. Lines 9-12 might read: Pulled along by hopes & dreams Deceived by things that only seem When all I wanted from all this Is your eyes, soft lips and kiss
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Dec-06/3:01 PM
It does seem like a prank.
Re: "incomplete" by Prince of Void	28-Dec-06/3:04 PM
Made with a void - how sad. But how comforting when a void is filled. The shape of a void is the reverse of the thing that fits there.
Re: Moving On by MacFrantic	28-Dec-06/3:07 PM
The rhythm and rhyme are so good that the lapses glare.
Re: My Heart by unouluvme	1-Jan-07/11:56 AM
The title seems distant from the subject, makes me wonder who or what is buried.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Jan-07/11:57 AM
Too much vague telling here. I'm just not with it.
Re: Happy birthday to myself by Prince of Void	1-Jan-07/12:16 PM
So many grammar glitches here, I have to wonder if the few correct phrases are mistakes in a dialect of hopelessness.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Jan-07/4:29 PM
It’s a good theme, but too wordy for my taste. Stanza 2, for example, might shorten to something like this, and be more forceful: Did they mention the hearts broken by bullets, the eyes plucked like ripe olives, The bodies raped by hard thrust of hate?
Re: Exile in New Hamshire by AlexandraLeaving	4-Jan-07/4:36 PM
I count 10 spelling and grammar mistakes. Which means that I considered the poem worthy of counting them. It’s a nice twist on the usual beauty-of-the-fall-colors theme, a good start. Please clean it up and re-post.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Jan-07/4:45 PM
Tenses in the first sentence are mismatched (built and launch) If your father bought you a kite, why did you make one? Or did you simply assemble it? If you mean something metaphorical, it’s not clear.
Re: Dream Grower by Enkidu	4-Jan-07/4:56 PM
At first I thought you were in tune with the writer of Hebrews: “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love.” But the choking twist in the last verse has a sinister tone that sounds self-sacrificial. If you want the coaxing and stimulation of the first part, then consider a softer ending. Overall I like it.
Re: Darkroom Dancer by MacFrantic	5-Jan-07/12:31 PM
One of your best. Good "images" in the red-glow darkroom. Been there, done that.
regarding some deleted poem...	8-Jan-07/3:33 PM
I also like the flow of this, and find it an improvement on "A Moment in Time." Still, some of it seems too etherial or splendid, like "shines forth in splendour" "glorious amber". Also, "the wheel moves through the water" seems strange; the waterwheels I've seen rotate above the pond by weight of water applied to their tops. it's a good picture though.
Re: The dancers by richa	11-Jan-07/11:15 AM
A nice comparison and even a bit emotional, for which you should be ashamed. "they." in S5 seems abrupt, as if something's missing.