Re: Complaints by jessicazee	15-Feb-07/7:10 AM
These sound like happy complaints of two who have worked hard and have some minor pains. That's just an impression though, because it isn't very clear. If "hot cocoa stains" are sweaty dirt on shirt, then good description.
Re: Friday's Monday's June by Enkidu	15-Feb-07/7:16 AM
Friday's Monday's June takes a while to parse and makes a riddle out of it. The rest is quite nice in its obscurity.
Re: Plurals by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	16-Feb-07/9:27 AM
The plural of “-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.” is “-=Darkies_Angel=-, Private In flagrante delicto.”
Re: a self-conscious lack of denial by nentwined	16-Feb-07/9:39 AM
A couple of wines and all is fine.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Feb-07/9:42 AM
too melodramatic, but a nice sentiment.
Re: Working Title by MacFrantic	18-Feb-07/4:06 PM
I don't get it, as if it's to somebody in particular who knows the context. Maybe if you say what the working title is.
Re: Journey by madamefrufru	18-Feb-07/4:12 PM
You might try commenting on more than one poem before posting another. This one is particularly lacking in particulars.
Re: Mexican Monday by A_Dark_Calm	20-Feb-07/3:47 PM
Ah, the insensitivity of lovers to the intricacy of words, to the seemingly unwitting lush outsiders feel, to the goddess whims of the neglected, or angelic twitters of the left. To be in love is a splendid thing, far better than poetry or idle chat. Best wishes.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Feb-07/10:23 AM
It seems not banal. Whatever makes it so? Calm rain wasted on the sea perhaps, but surely not the gulls, buoy, empathy.
Re: looking for by Phalkon	24-Feb-07/10:26 AM
pointlessness, writer's block, man-as-machine - dismal topics overdone.
Re: Thought by Quarton	26-Feb-07/10:43 PM
Yes, I am the center of the universe and all being surrounds me. If I am happy, the clouds are happy; sad, the sea is dark. Improve the grammar, as half.Italian advised on your last one, and clean up some superfluous language and you'll have a nice poem
Re: Shoe Thief by Blue Magpie	26-Feb-07/10:45 PM
It's cute and almost funny, but it rambles on and pays too much attention to rhyme.
Re: You should not judge Until after death by Prince of Void	26-Feb-07/10:51 PM
I've stopped trying to shed a little optimism in your "lines in this fatal misery." Carry on.
Re: The Laws of Life by lrustagi	27-Feb-07/3:47 PM
It's an interesting attempt as unusual language. I'd prefer to see the Old English done with proper grammar though. You mix new and old in an interesting way, but if the old is not done properly, then people think you're just blabbing without having learned the form. A nice attempt at something different.
Re: A Single Strand of Golden Yellow by Aetius	27-Feb-07/3:53 PM
It goes along well in the first half. Then the logic of yarn that was once a sweater being like a person thinking she's less bright than she imagines, escapes me.
Re: Quantum Reality by Quarton	2-Mar-07/8:50 PM
The title seems too narrow, since this is about more than quantum mechanics. It’s a kind of wandering theory of everything, where supernovae is misspelled. It’s a mixture of science and speculation, and edges on preaching. But you avoid that trap and stop after saying that we humans are, in your opinion, not separate entities as we suppose, but part of some organic whole. I’d like it better if it held closer to real science until the end, as it does in much of it, delaying “the inseparable cosmic web” idea. I think that would make your last verse more powerful.
Re: The Beginning by jessicazee	2-Mar-07/8:55 PM
It's sketchy, as if meant for some special person. I'd have to ask you to fill in the gaps before I could say much more.
Re: Taste of Ash (A long project barely beginning) by sliver	2-Mar-07/8:57 PM
First 2 lines are good. Then it runs amok, without more to go on.
Re: The ceremony of death by Prince of Void	4-Mar-07/3:21 PM
Don’t believe Rocky; this is not a good poem; he only agrees with your position. Hell, if I write about the virtue of zeroing, he’ll leap all over it. No, but if you do, he will. All he has for me is ‘honey bun” and “squeal.” “Of” on line 2 surely should be “of.” “Of buildings had laid in ruins” should surely lose the “had.” To name just a few.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Mar-07/3:26 PM
Bethy, your other stuff has reality, a gut feeling of having been there. This, I'm sorry, is just cliche. It's no different from what anybody could rattle off about their home. Sorry, I usually like your posts. Keep coming back.