| Re: I Cannot Go by TLRufener |
9-Oct-04/7:47 PM |
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It started out alright, but then it got pretty corny.
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| Re: A Reflective Window by lukehanney |
9-Oct-04/7:56 PM |
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I really liked this. It flows so well. Only problem I had was with the last 2 lines of the 8th stanza. They didn't flow as the rest of the poem did. Otherwise it's really great! ~10~
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| Re: Call of the Moon by arduinn |
9-Oct-04/8:01 PM |
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Last line-should behave be behaving? -7-
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Oct-04/7:29 PM |
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The beginning was great and I can definitely relate to this. The ending could be a bit stronger though. Otherwise good job! :)
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| Re: Story Never Told by Sirens_Voice |
12-Oct-04/7:34 PM |
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Good idea, perhaps you could substitute lost for stuck in line 18? Oh and in the 4th to last line maybe say "My story," that way it isn't repeating so much and puts more emphasis on the "fairy tale" idea in the last line. :)
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| Re: End by Sasha |
12-Oct-04/7:41 PM |
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Good job Sasha! I loved it. It flowed so smoothly, just rolls off your tongue. So how you been ol' buddy ol' pal?
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| Re: Damn you, Feeling. by Rollsoftoiletpaper |
16-Oct-04/6:36 PM |
Well I'm glad you got how you were feeling out. Keep your chin up, if that person doesn't realize what a good friend you are, then that's their loss. I know you've probably heard those very same words spoken to you a million times before, but its the truth.
Out of pure curiosity, I'm just wondering how old you are?
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| Re: I hate Haiku's. Bombs away. by Rollsoftoiletpaper |
16-Oct-04/8:40 PM |
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lol nice. ur an ass. haha.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Oct-04/5:17 PM |
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This is a really good poem. I'm not religious, but faith is something that everyone can relate to, no matter their beliefs. The rhymes and flow of the poem are astounding. *claps*
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| Re: Social Awarness by midnitebeauty101 |
29-Oct-04/5:21 PM |
Sad write.
You spelled "awareness" wrong in your title, and I believe you meant "of" not "if" in the third stanza.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Nov-04/5:04 PM |
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| Re: Love Bruises by Jezabele-In-Hell |
26-Nov-04/8:23 PM |
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I guess I can understand why you want the bruises to remain as long as possible; to serve as a reminder, proof. But like Dovina said, it's too plain.
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| Re: Cigarettes and Masturbation by Lifeboatman |
4-Jan-05/2:50 PM |
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So very true. The worlds become a sad place...
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| Re: cut yourself by Crakyamuni |
4-Jan-05/6:10 PM |
Well I was reading through some of your poems that I'd already previously voted for, and I definitely know why I gave this one a 9. It's a shame that I didn't leave a comment though.
The lines:
"cutting out the unwanted pieces of palpatating veins
there never was a clever way to reinvent my name
nothing normal, acting out, borderline no fucking doubt"
are great. For lack of better words, I really liked them. lol. It's blunt and to the point. Good write.
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| Re: distance by Crakyamuni |
4-Jan-05/6:18 PM |
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I liked this. People too often want things just for material possessions, or because someone else expects them to desire it. Once again, good write.
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| Re: Over beast by Crakyamuni |
4-Jan-05/6:24 PM |
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Great! The first line lures you in. There's just something about this that's all-consuming. A life's lesson here summed up in a few lines.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
8-Jan-05/2:58 PM |
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This is really good, nice flow and topic.
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| Re: Existential questions by kawakurdi |
8-Jan-05/3:05 PM |
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Interesting, but some of your rhymes are really forced.
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| Re: The Fear of Being and will not be forever by Prince of Void |
8-Jan-05/3:11 PM |
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Some of these lines don't make sense at all...might want to edit some of your grammar and "fury" is with one "r"...
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| Re: Dancing on Glass by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
9-Jan-05/4:41 PM |
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The images don't seem to be connected very well, but I liked the ending.
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