INTRANSIT
on Reincarnation by Dovina
16 Apr 2005, 3:32 PM
When I get home, we'll get jiggy with this Irish thing eh? Greetings from Pecos Texas or....
how-DEA!
If I knew this was written by someone who could not speak, Id say it's sensual and meaningful to a reader who can. If I didn't know that I'd say the same.
I'll take ten pounds not to tell.
snicker
Again, you did not listen, or having sistened, decided to ignore the simple effect of my words in favor of outlandish interpretatioins. To wit:
1) Wrongs against blacks are not in some vague past, but are facts of history.
2) Certain Blacks today have enough power that they can oppress whites if they want to. I have been the victim of one such event and wrote the poem in its memory.
3) I not only think that this particular Black wanted to, but heard him say so.
4) I have no place in Black culture and never said that I do.
5) I never said that I thought that, and do not think it.
A five line poem, syllable structure 2 (1st line), 4 (2nd), 6 (3rd), 8 (4th), 2 (5th). The last two syllables should both be stressed and nouns and verbs should feature more promiently than adjectives and adverbs.
And I remember seeing that very comment just a day or two ago. Way to go with the shaping of minds there. Very telling.
<3 Jason
This is the most egregiously simple-minded philosophy I have ever read in my whole life. Apart from the grafitti on the toilet wall that says 'I didn't write this'. But that's beside the point. The point is that as soon as we all agreed to believe in this supreme power, we'd all then start to argue about what it looked like, what sex it was, what it actually did... adn then, hey presto! We have the last 6000 years of history ALL OVER AGAIN. I think I'll pass on that thanks. And at the same time, I'll pass on this poem, which isn't so much a poem as a mis-spelled, unrhythmical and ultimately whimsical bit of cracker-barrel wiseacreliness. Listen to Zodiac.
I feel as if I've stumbled into the middle of a private conversation. How embarrassing.
This is powerful and I know exactly what you mean. Come out and spill whatever you have to! But I like this.
Not a philosopher.
Or a poet.
I would like to see this in a stricter form. At the moment this is over-blown and doesn't carry the feeling throughout the verbiage. It's also a prfoundly pretentious title - 'requiem' is a word that has become too often used by newscasters and Hollywood films to the point where it is now just a load of puff. However, there are some really good observations.
Wonder is not a synonym for idiocy, gullibility and wiful anti-rationalism. The fact that we have evolved into organisms intelligent enough to ask these questions - isn't that wonderful enough? And it's called astral projection anyway.
People like you.
And no offense intended - really - but it seems like instead of posting a half-dozen mediocre poems at the same time, you could use your two-day limit to REALLY work on ONE of them, maybe the best one, and make it something more than mediocre.
You're probably wondering why you really got such low votes on this one. I'd say it's because you start with a bad assumption ("If all it takes for fairies to be real...") that no one really believes anyway, and then apply it in a kind of backwards way to God (since the fairies bit you copped from Peter Pan was CREATED TO BE a metaphor for childlike beliefs in general, especially belief in God), then you just kind of jump to the bumper-sticker bit at the end. Besides that one, sort of faulty, idea, there's nothing really to make this poetry, no originality of expression or imagery.
Please don't get me wrong. I like you and want to see you stick around and improve. Don't be offended.
I would use another word instead of "dolorous". Or drop it altogether.
Do you ever want to pull your cock out in public? This is the poem for you: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
I liked it a lot at the end of stanza 2. Seems like everything after that needs to be tightened up a bit.