Re: fox and hounds by nentwined	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/7:00 AM
Why baboon? I assume it means the fox. besides the dogs anger, who else has anger and why? The one anger actually seems to imply one out of two or more. "an anger" would be clearer. This would make a great introduction to something. Love the suggestion of rhyme in this poem.
Re: Eternity by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/6:29 AM
If "But the opposite is true" refers to "It’s location location location" then bravo. If it refers to "Her condition’s going down" than BOO! It's the meat of a contradiction sandwich because you follow with -"Strength and vigor exhausted". I know you're taking what the doctors are saying out of context but it's a bit confusing. Did you write this in MS Word because all the first letters in each line are capitalized. Interesting point of view. Optimistic, no sense of dread what-so-ever.
Re: Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/5:54 AM
PS: Great critique and suggestions on my latest poem. I was on vacation, as you were from my constant debating.
Re: Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/5:45 AM
Ironic that this is the one people seem to get. Also ironic that you recently scolded me for having strung together phrases. Love the toothless men with knives line. A little Freudian Psycho-babble for ya. Religion is in a warm vagina. You're not gonna find it in the chosen land. Atheism is in a masturbater's fist. Your religion's in alaska but your pride is in your hand. ALChemy psycho-babble: Get your ass to Alaska pronto lest thou fall amongst ye dumb morons. -10-
Re: a comment on There is a journey tree by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/4:37 AM
To me it represents one thing but it's kinda like saying God and expecting everyone to think of the same god your thinking of. I think it's lack of elaboration is due more to my laziness then sloppiness.
Re: a comment on There is a journey tree by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/4:31 AM
Thanks LadyPoet The bird thing was kinda an experiment. It in one way criticizes the pre-concieved religious symbolism of the tree and in that way contradicts it. I thought it would be appropriate to have the bird line interupt the poem but I conceed it does throw the reader off a bit. I looked up booth brink and amidst and there doesn't seem to be a problem. Brink: The upper edge of a steep or vertical slope. The verge. Amidst:(or Amid) Surrounded by; in the middle of. I must be missing something obvious I guess. Good suggestions. I hope there's a tree too. Lord knows I'll probably need it. Sorry about the punctuation I must have had something against periods that day.
Re: a comment on There is a journey tree by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Oct-05/4:06 AM
That's some of the best criticism I've read. Actually it's from a regular prose story. It's just a poem one of the characters recalls after they actually find the tree. Story poems are incredibly hard to do well. Usually either the story or the poetry is hindered because of it. I admit the poems got alot of flaws. I really like it mostly for its sound. I think there's a sweet spot that floats between free-verse and conventional verse but it's hard as hell to hit. I looked up "amidst" and the first definition I got was "in the middle of" so maybe its an outdated usage of the word I don't know. Great suggestion for a change though. Pigeons and doves: And yet people treat them so differently. Sometimes when I write or draw I start with an image and just let the poem evolve piece by piece never exactly sure where it will go. This usually ends with a product that's high in sound, low in logic. Then I edit. I wonder if Wordsworth and Coleridge approached writing that way. Most of the story (that the poem is in) takes place in a dream world.(I know cliches abound) But the story was meant to be sort of a parable of the Gospels. It was my attempt to put the reader into the mind and perspective of a messiah in a way they could imagine and relate to. Not a good subject to write a first book on. I'd be a hypocrite to criticize your spelling. Although it's fun to point out because it happens so rarely with you. Sorry it took so long to reply. I was on vacation.
Re: hoppy by calliope	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/3:07 AM
God bless thy poor bald pate. God bless. thy hollow winking eyes God bless thy shriveld beard. God. bless. thy many wrinkled forehead Thou hast no teeth old man & thus I kiss thy sleek bald head Heva come kiss his bald head for he will not hurt us Heva -Blake, Tiriel
Re: i hung that page to dry by FreeFormFixation	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/3:03 AM
Are you painting a photograph? Touching-up?
Re: dialect by skaskowski	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/3:02 AM
A: Negro.
Re: MOMENTS From A Madman's Mind by PsydewaysTears	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/3:01 AM
Way to fix the title. Now what's with all the randomly capitalized words?
Re: Eternity by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/2:40 AM
Woo-hoo. Mt Nebo's here in Jordan, you know. Upward, indeed. Everything except "But the opposite is true / Strength and vigor exhausted" is great. Change that to something less totally didactic and wood-tongued. Or drop it altogether. DOVINA: But that line's the whole point! ZODIAC: Exactly.
Re: a comment on In my palm by Prince of Void	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/2:33 AM
I was joking, but now it has hit me that emo fans today probably DON'T know who the Lemonheads, Pixies, Ramones or Moby Grape are. Or that a movie called Reality Bites captured their whole aesthetic the before most of them were even born.
Re: fox and hounds by nentwined	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/2:31 AM
Well, you were never going to be able to get away with the moon's laughter running down your thigh. Nice attempt.
Re: a comment on Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/2:25 AM
I wish. I'm still in the hole at the bottom of the hole.
Re: a comment on Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	zodiac 217.144.7.195	25-Oct-05/2:23 AM
You never cease to amaze me. One, what about the goal of evolution? Don't tell me I convinced you. Two, for my part, I can't wait to get back home and start having babies, if only to balance out the morons so shamelessly overreproducing their dumb moron genes. I never thought I'd ever say that.
Re: a comment on Take Heart Mr. Drake, the Worst is Behind You by wilco	wilco 24.92.74.122	24-Oct-05/8:12 PM
There are parts I don't like and I'm working on it lyrically, but I got tired of fooling with it tonight. I hate the lost the fight line but thats how I want the line to go (flow wise) and I left it in so I don't forget it later.
Re: Ruins by Caducus	wilco 24.92.74.122	24-Oct-05/8:10 PM
Not the best I've seen from you..
Re: Take Heart Mr. Drake, the Worst is Behind You by wilco	Dovina 69.175.32.104	24-Oct-05/8:09 PM
Some good lines here, but as a song, and even as a poem, I think it needs a more direct approach, the form of a balad, where the story builds and the rhythm carries it.
Re: a comment on Eternity by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	24-Oct-05/8:04 PM
The last half kills it for you either because you find it bad writing or because you do not accept what it says, or both. Much of my writing is trying to express what other people think. While my own beliefs and thoughts inevitably seep in, this one is what I think she really wanted to say. Admittedly, the first half is light hearted and half joking, while the second half is Christian belief. You probably like the joking part and object to the belief.