Re: a comment on Chills by BrandonW	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/11:25 AM
-as in 8-ball.
Re: Chills by BrandonW	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/11:23 AM
And you bought it around the corner from a pusher named Jesus. The religion/drug addiction metaphor is a bit cliche but you got some really nice lines in there. Mind if I snort a couple? -8-
Re: a comment on Chills by BrandonW	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/10:58 AM
"I offer another snort" Merry Christmas BrandonW.
Re: Virtue and Sin by dooley	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/10:51 AM
Simple yet very effective. I want to hear more about the racoon and snake. Here's what I've learned. It's as simple, sad and cliche as the old opposites attract adage. We're hypocrites because we complain about it and without realizing it we go and do the same thing. They're really not all that different from us on the inside. Unless you're talking about the vagina. -9-
Re: a comment on Virtue and Sin by dooley	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/10:30 AM
Are you home yet? I seem to sense the Christmas spirit rising in you lately.
Re: a comment on The Bus by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/10:26 AM
There was a popular saying we had in art school. "You can't copyright an idea." I give you a -9- Dovina for thinking like an Indian.
Re: a comment on Silent Night by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/10:05 AM
Thinking outside the box again.
Re: a comment on Silent Night by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/10:01 AM
To an atheist it wouldn't be. It's like if I made fun of Thor.
Re: Virtue and Sin by dooley	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/9:40 AM
Nice.
Re: Thunder by dooley	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/9:38 AM
Hi, welcome to poemranker. Some of these lines are really rather nice. You might just want to keep a few things in mind while writing the next ones (and hopefully you'll stick around and post more): 1. Try to make more sentences or phrases run through the end of the line. That is, don't make it so if you did punctuate you'd have a comma or period at the end of every line. In a poem like this, you could even keep the same rhymes and not have to invert your grammar. 2. Punctuate. There's no reason not to. If you don't know where, exactly, try writing out the whole thing as a paragraph and seeing where it needs a comma or period. Or just ask us to help. 3. Try to avoid rhyming love and above. Click on this link for a couple of reasons why: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=97622 4. You might consider using some real details and images occasionally. Did you and your love go to Wal Mart? Why not include that? It'll be original AND true to your real-life love. And people will love it. 5. Vote and comment on other people's poems. It's the least you can do. And try not to get pissy if people call your work anything but perfect. We're all here to learn how to improve, right? Um, that's about it. Hope you stay. Enjoy your time here. zodiac
Re: Chills by BrandonW	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/9:24 AM
Nice. "I offer no accord" is a useless line and probably just for rhyme's sake. Consider changing it to bored, board, gored, gourd, hoard, poured, roared, scored, sword, abhorred, aboard, adored, afford, award, explored, ignored, implored, reward, toward, unexplored, Honda Accord - preferably not one of the obvious ones. Yes, I did almost let that slide because it's so wacky and stoned and reminds me of that scene in Boogie Nights where the Chinese boy's setting off fireworks and that guy in his briefs keeps waving that gun around. But you can do better.
Re: I'm walking thorough void by Prince of Void	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/9:18 AM
Are you aware that for most people the verb "void" means "to piss or crap until empty", as in "I was so scared I voided my bladder"? As a poem, not as good as your best, "The regrets made me voids"
Re: The Bus by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/9:06 AM
This is the exact plot of Douglas Adams' "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe" minus such wackiness as when Arthur tries to get a bag of Scrabble letters to randomly spell The Ultimate Question and they spell "What do you get when you multiply six by nine". In other words, not unclever, but cleverer the first time.
Re: a comment on Picking Up Sins by BrandonW	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/8:39 AM
Flamboyantly is the only dignified way of referring to one's penis.
Re: a comment on Silent Night by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/8:36 AM
Yeah, I made up all those insults, so I guess I should know. If it was me, I'm sorry.
Re: a comment on Silent Night by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/8:35 AM
I'm quoting my own imaginary detractors. As usual.
Re: a comment on Silent Night by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/8:34 AM
Yes. Even being (once again, somehow,) a special ed worker, I've never gone for the idea that disabilities tend to come with compensating abilities. Dyslexia is the one consistent example I can think of. Being able to easily make and see homophones and half-rhymes probably means you're not a naturally solid reader/sight-learner and your sense of the sounds of words is therefore stronger.
Re: a comment on Silent Night by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/8:30 AM
I've mistakenly called you offended when you're clearly just objecting purposelessly. I'm truly sorry. DOVINA: "I'm trying to say that I don't think it's blasphemy."
Re: a comment on The copper man and Labrador by Caducus	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/6:54 AM
Sometimes I even scare myself.
Re: a comment on A Modern Woman by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/6:48 AM
Really though. Mark was just a child at the time of the gospels and although Peter or Paul may have taught him reading and writing, it's unlikely either him nor his teachers were literate enough to write something like the gospels. John was likely to be illiterate. Many scholars agree Matthew was written by a second generation follower after 90 A.D. Luke was a physician and the only one educated enough to likely be the original author of his version of the gospels. The earliest he might have written it was between 60 and 80 A.D. but as far as I know he only met Jesus once and that was after he was resurected. So only one of the authors was even around most of the events of the Gospels and that was John and many scholars think that he didn't write the Gospel according to John.