ALChemy
replying on Thunder by dooley
1 Dec 2005, 11:31 AM
It is one of my goals to some day rhyme above and love in a way that is not cliche at all.
Simple yet very effective. I want to hear more about the racoon and snake.
Here's what I've learned. It's as simple, sad and cliche as the old opposites attract adage. We're hypocrites because we complain about it and without realizing it we go and do the same thing. They're really not all that different from us on the inside. Unless you're talking about the vagina. -9-
Are you home yet? I seem to sense the Christmas spirit rising in you lately.
Thinking outside the box again.
To an atheist it wouldn't be. It's like if I made fun of Thor.
Nice.
Hi, welcome to poemranker. Some of these lines are really rather nice. You might just want to keep a few things in mind while writing the next ones (and hopefully you'll stick around and post more):
1. Try to make more sentences or phrases run through the end of the line. That is, don't make it so if you did punctuate you'd have a comma or period at the end of every line. In a poem like this, you could even keep the same rhymes and not have to invert your grammar.
2. Punctuate. There's no reason not to. If you don't know where, exactly, try writing out the whole thing as a paragraph and seeing where it needs a comma or period. Or just ask us to help.
3. Try to avoid rhyming love and above. Click on this link for a couple of reasons why: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
Nice.
"I offer no accord" is a useless line and probably just for rhyme's sake. Consider changing it to bored, board, gored, gourd, hoard, poured, roared, scored, sword, abhorred, aboard, adored, afford, award, explored, ignored, implored, reward, toward, unexplored, Honda Accord - preferably not one of the obvious ones.
Yes, I did almost let that slide because it's so wacky and stoned and reminds me of that scene in Boogie Nights where the Chinese boy's setting off fireworks and that guy in his briefs keeps waving that gun around. But you can do better.
Are you aware that for most people the verb "void" means "to piss or crap until empty", as in "I was so scared I voided my bladder"?
As a poem, not as good as your best, "The regrets made me voids"
This is the exact plot of Douglas Adams' "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe" minus such wackiness as when Arthur tries to get a bag of Scrabble letters to randomly spell The Ultimate Question and they spell "What do you get when you multiply six by nine".
In other words, not unclever, but cleverer the first time.
Flamboyantly is the only dignified way of referring to one's penis.
Yeah, I made up all those insults, so I guess I should know.
If it was me, I'm sorry.
I'm quoting my own imaginary detractors. As usual.
Yes. Even being (once again, somehow,) a special ed worker, I've never gone for the idea that disabilities tend to come with compensating abilities. Dyslexia is the one consistent example I can think of. Being able to easily make and see homophones and half-rhymes probably means you're not a naturally solid reader/sight-learner and your sense of the sounds of words is therefore stronger.
I've mistakenly called you offended when you're clearly just objecting purposelessly. I'm truly sorry.
DOVINA: "I'm trying to say that I don't think it's blasphemy."
Sometimes I even scare myself.