| Re: May I Help by Dovina |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
20-Jan-06/12:13 AM |
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Nice. I'm not a girl so I can't identify with it but nice.
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| Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone |
zodiac 209.193.14.236 |
19-Jan-06/11:47 PM |
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So I bearded Black Jesus with spasm-
-like ways of saying Yassuh and Yas'm.
Though you might think it cruel,
Why, I'll tell you, though, you'll
Hardly know, my good man, that he has 'em!
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| Re: a comment on Cold-Blooded Pillow by drnick |
zodiac 209.193.14.236 |
19-Jan-06/11:16 PM |
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What are you talking about? The cans are all lined up in the cabinet! The hand towels are orderly! LAUUURAAAAAAA! LAUUUURAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!1!
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| Re: Cold-Blooded Pillow by drnick |
drnick 24.176.22.254 |
19-Jan-06/9:22 PM |
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This was called "Sleeping with the Enemy," however due to recent complaints I found that this was also the title to some piece of shit movie and thus could not use it. After hours upon hours of Trial and Error(also the title to a movie) I came up with this, I hope you like it.
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| Re: a comment on "By your side" by jontod |
jontod 71.108.215.6 |
19-Jan-06/9:03 PM |
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We're not perfect... just forgiven. :O)
And hey... maybe they like cheese?
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| Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone |
zodiac 209.193.14.236 |
19-Jan-06/7:57 PM |
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I bearded that Christ with a wipe
Of the HIV-positive type,
But the wipe, it made raids
On his bum (being AIDS
With a passion for Negro-Christ pipe.)
So I bearded him once with a nappy
To cover his breasts (they were flappy.)
At least he looked cleaner,
But as for demeanor
We still couldn't tell if he was happy.
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| Re: a comment on "By your side" by jontod |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
19-Jan-06/5:49 PM |
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and "return not evil for evil to anyone," not even rockmage.
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| Re: "By your side" by jontod |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
19-Jan-06/5:45 PM |
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"broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it." A good take on this.
A prose poem, not free verse.
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| Re: "By your side" by jontod |
jontod 71.108.215.6 |
19-Jan-06/5:33 PM |
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| Re: a comment on The Deep End by drnick |
zodiac 209.193.14.236 |
19-Jan-06/3:44 PM |
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| Re: a comment on The Deep End by drnick |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
19-Jan-06/3:29 PM |
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Your current title has a 26.3% chance of being a best seller.
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| Re: a comment on Topper Fey by ALChemy |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
19-Jan-06/3:24 PM |
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I've had this poem lying around for quite a while so it's hard for me to notice what you're pointing out but I do remember that in that stanza the rhythm and melody slowed down to bring in the closing lines. I think the "Now" is what causes the stanza to slow down slightly.
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| Re: Fredrick Illinois by rahson_s |
cyan9 81.6.231.161 |
19-Jan-06/3:13 PM |
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It left me wanting to shoot Fredrick Illinois
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| Re: Fredrick Illinois by rahson_s |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
19-Jan-06/3:12 PM |
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Do you mean Frederick Illinois?
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| Re: a week off by hendrimike |
cyan9 81.6.231.161 |
19-Jan-06/3:11 PM |
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"the horizon becomes the sunlights throne, orange purple red and gold" are very good lines, I thought this was simple and nice, and probobally deserved more than some of the votes its been given.
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| Re: Topper Fey by ALChemy |
cyan9 81.6.231.161 |
19-Jan-06/3:08 PM |
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Like it, amusing and fun. verse with Now thank the lord above stood out a little too much for my likings, too much of a change of rythm, or maybe the wrong sort of change
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| Re: a comment on Topper Fey by ALChemy |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
19-Jan-06/3:08 PM |
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Thanks D. Some of the lyrics I write seem so fused to the melody and rhythm that I'm willing to bet that if 5 people came to me and sang their version of the song that at least 3 of them would sing it almost exactly how I hear it in my head.
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| Re: a comment on The Deep End by drnick |
drnick 24.176.22.254 |
19-Jan-06/3:04 PM |
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It's nearly impossible to come up with an original title with the amount of pieces out now...it's only a title anyways. Right you are, I'm terrible with grammar.
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| Re: Fredrick Illinois by rahson_s |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
19-Jan-06/3:00 PM |
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Good. Play around with the line breaks a little more. See if you can get any added effect from them.
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| Re: Topper Fey by ALChemy |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
19-Jan-06/2:58 PM |
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Nicely done, and with such a good rhythm that the few lines that break cadence really stand out.
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