Re: a comment on What is it about brothers? by Tara57	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	19-Jan-06/2:51 PM
Careful now, you'll scare her away for another year.
Re: What is it about brothers? by Tara57	ecargo 167.219.0.143	19-Jan-06/2:45 PM
Disagree that this is overwrought (well, some lines are, but for the most part I don't think it is)--the words are simple and the emotion strongly conveyed. Some problems with the ending--it starts to fall apart with all the fathersistermotherlovers and the repetition of "listen to me now," but the bulk of it is pretty well done. The Cain and Abel ref is a little too obvious (for my taste)--think it'd be better implied. The concrete homey details--sharing baths, etc., give the larger themes a face, which works nicely. Some editing would make it even better.
Re: a comment on What is it about brothers? by Tara57	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:39 PM
I think it's the most poignant thing I've written lately.
Re: a comment on What is it about brothers? by Tara57	ecargo 167.219.0.142	19-Jan-06/2:38 PM
How Salingeresque. (JD, not Pierre. But you knew that.)
Re: a comment on Racism 4 by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	19-Jan-06/2:34 PM
I agree that it’s better not to tell everyone what a poem is about with a title like Racism (and more scholarly too). It’s better to let them figure it out from the story. I did it this way on Poemranker to draw the series together and to build on No. 1. Your point is well taken.
Re: a comment on Spinning, reeling by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.0.142	19-Jan-06/2:32 PM
Hee--that obvious, huh? I'd cut the hair, but, dammit, it's my truest claim to beauty. ;)
Re: a comment on Spinning, reeling by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.0.143	19-Jan-06/2:30 PM
Well, as my first commenter put it: " don't care at all about what you have to say . . .". Therein lies the problem. It was much more immediate when I first posted it back in '03 or whatever. Now we're all just tired. (I know I am.) But I did rewrite the ending and all, and I did tell myself that for every new one I wrote I could repost an old one so . . . there you go.
Re: a comment on Racism 4 by Dovina	richa 81.178.206.194	19-Jan-06/2:27 PM
OMG your real name is sharon.
Re: What is it about brothers? by Tara57	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:26 PM
After my little sister attempted suicide, a counselor told her it was all my brothers' and my fault. Now she lives with my mom and collects Middle America postcards with nothing written on them. I can't tell her anything, so I just send postcards.
Re: Heirophant by cyan9	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:24 PM
Femininity. Three 'i's. Otherwise, not bad.
Re: a comment on Racism 4 by Dovina	richa 81.178.206.194	19-Jan-06/2:24 PM
It would be more scholarly to write a poem with a place and a voice and the theme of racism in it. That way your poem would not be wrong. It would be a poem in which something happened and the reader could examine its significance. There is far too much telling in your poems. Of this series I like the first one best but the end spoils it by saying what the black people are thinking.
Re: Three Skinheads by Caducus	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:24 PM
If I were, say, High Emperor of Poetry, I'd make a law forbidding the use of 'as' for linking clauses.
Re: Spinning, reeling by ecargo	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:22 PM
The people who care don't need more convincing.
Re: Spinning, reeling by ecargo	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:21 PM
The people who needed to know this already think you're nuts, on account of your hair and hanging around all day on a pastel-blue poetry site.
Re: a comment on Racism 4 by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	19-Jan-06/2:20 PM
Did you see my homepage explanation for Dovina?
Re: Is Dying Ugly? by D. $ Fontera	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:19 PM
If you're drunk and horny, dying looks alright, I guess.
Re: Pain, I Curse Thee by woodstock20000	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:15 PM
I just saw Pain and, man, he's shaking in his boots.
Re: The Deep End by drnick	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:15 PM
It's generally not a good idea to give your poem the same name as a movie, good or bad, similar or not. Also, loose should be lose.
Re: a comment on Racism 4 by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	19-Jan-06/2:14 PM
I didn't say you needed it. If you call yourself Dovina you have to be either beautiful or a transvestite.
Re: Racism 4 by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.14.236	19-Jan-06/2:12 PM
For bad grammar and generally taking silly things for granted - 5, sadly.