Re: Dashboard Jesus by wilco	ecargo 63.22.84.46	19-Mar-06/5:48 PM
in the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine . . . Nice ditty.
Re: a comment on The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0	x0lovelylarnx0 64.12.116.10	19-Mar-06/5:48 PM
LOL it's like 8:30 P.M. here lol!! Thanks I wrote that poem a while back I haven't done anything with it yet!
Re: Soccer by x0lovelylarnx0	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/5:46 PM
Yeah, I was playing earlier...getting fired up when the ref doesn't give a blatent foul...too true, too true. I get the impression that the old football - soccer - is taking off on the other side of the water, great to hear, but please don't start dominating this sport like you have everything else!
Re: a comment on Mid-July by Ranger	ecargo 63.22.84.46	19-Mar-06/5:44 PM
Holy mackerel, Ranger! Well, if I remember the proper scoring method when using the Pimple Checklist, I must score 10 or the number of checked boxes, whichever is least. So, er, let's see--that's 10! Which I'd give you anyway--nicely gothic and ghastly and the rhyme scheme is dead on and a credit to Poe worship. Very cool.
Re: The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/5:43 PM
Personally I haven't ever tried sonnet writing, that's something I'll save for a rainy day, so to speak. But the comments you've received on this haven't been of any use, so let's see what can be said. I believe that sonnets (particularly Shakespearean sonnets) are supposed to be written in iambic pentameter. For a quick definition, look here: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=iambic+pentameter (hopefully the link will work) Some of the lines are nice, but you could be more creative with the rhymes. Rhyming is tough, far more than it seems - and the trick is to find really original and unexpected. Don't worry too much about getting exact rhymes, although 'life/fight' and 'boat/hope' are stretching it a little. Google search for an online rhyming dictionary - there are often a lot of rhymes for simple monosyllabic words which you'll see and think 'I knew that...why didn't I think of it first?' I certainly know I do. Errm, that'll have to do for now - it's pretty late here (or early, depending on when you usually wake up). Good luck with any revisions of this!
Re: a comment on Perils of the Learning Curve by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.23.241	19-Mar-06/5:24 PM
Of course they do, unless you live in the backwoods of some northeastern state where snake oil and snake charming are both parts of divine healing. No, I meant "credentials" as in lines, i.e., "Your necklace looks expensive."
Re: a comment on Perils of the Learning Curve by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/5:23 PM
Credentials? Maybe. Credenzas? Certainly.
Re: a comment on Perils of the Learning Curve by Dovina	INTRANSIT 205.188.117.6	19-Mar-06/5:20 PM
Credentials? Doctors have credentials?
Re: a comment on Settling in by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 205.188.117.6	19-Mar-06/5:16 PM
I cut a few more ifs ands and buts out. closed the tercets and shifted the vibrato line around. Why tercets? Because I'm still grappling with the best use of line breaks thing. Now , where did I put my fender skirt.
Re: a comment on Perils of the Learning Curve by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.23.241	19-Mar-06/5:10 PM
Bah? Is not the act this doctor puts on for his patients akin to charming a snake. After all skill and educatioin lie in shambles at your feet, what is lef, my good man, but to try and charm them. Okay, maybe it's a woman's take on some of the credentials I've been handed over the years.
Re: Louwanda by Jeremi B. Handrinos	INTRANSIT 205.188.117.10	19-Mar-06/5:04 PM
Sister of Towanda and Nuwanda, I'm sure.
Re: Perils of the Learning Curve by Dovina	INTRANSIT 205.188.117.10	19-Mar-06/5:02 PM
Uncharmed- is the best you can do at the end? Bah! 9.5 rounding down. If you have to rewrite the whole line, fix it.
Re: a comment on Perils of the Learning Curve by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/4:55 PM
Ah - whereas I got the trainee/inexperienced doctor bit I thought it also hinted at drug testing too. The other day there was a big news story (I've checked it out now) about an antibody drug test which went spectacularly wrong - it had been tested on animals with no ill results, but when taken by humans it caused massive reactions and left them in monstrous amounts of pain - I think two of the 6 are still critical, one on organ support. So yes, very topical.
Re: a comment on REM Sleep by mystic enoch	Dovina 12.72.23.241	19-Mar-06/4:49 PM
I do wish your entertainment to continue. Where is my adoring adversary anyway? I have the perfect answer for him, regardless of his question.
Re: a comment on Perils of the Learning Curve by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.23.241	19-Mar-06/4:42 PM
Thanks. It's based on what a doctor told me about his internship. He felt guilty about performing surgeries where he had no experience except as an assistant, yet he felt that without practice, he'd never become good. "The best of possible care" is what all patients want. Maybe I could word it better.
Re: a comment on Dashboard Jesus by wilco	wilco 24.92.74.122	19-Mar-06/4:42 PM
Line 3 seems to have given me all kinds of fits...I guess that's the peril of writing at 3AM.
Re: Dashboard Jesus by wilco	Dovina 12.72.23.241	19-Mar-06/4:36 PM
Line three has an extra "the" and an inconsistently lower case "and." Line 4 needs a period, since the others do. And if you're into line-end commas, put one after s2l5. But the major stuff is really good.
Re: a comment on Looking Back by x0lovelylarnx0	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/4:27 PM
No worries, just a lighthearted post, that's all. Don't worry about changing 'elementry'. Phonetic poetry sometimes works well, but it takes a lot of practise to get working.
Re: Perils of the Learning Curve by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	19-Mar-06/4:20 PM
D. - this is a kickass poem, serious yet amusing and the rhyme/rhythm scheme is almost flawless. 'The best of possible care' didn't quite fit right with my reading of this, but other than that, no faults. Is this related to the events in the news recently? I never did get round to checking that out like I meant to. Great poem anyway.
Re: REM Sleep by mystic enoch	Dovina 12.72.23.241	19-Mar-06/4:14 PM
Sorry, but I can't see dreams having goals or plans. And I hardly think "refreshed" is descriptive of how I feel about all my dreams.