Re: SHOT by tisa7	Garrett S Sexton 86.130.244.2	31-Mar-06/1:28 PM
If I was to doooooooo it, nice hot bath, bottle of wine, bit of muzik, slit the old wrists brother. There's no art to the gun. The big disappointment is you didn't die.
Re: a comment on Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta	zodiac 209.193.14.137	31-Mar-06/12:32 PM
"I don't think I aught to change it just because Celine Dion has a song by that title." Actually, um, you ought to. Sure, it would have been a good title, and sure Celine's song is awful and totally different. But the fact is that probably half the people who read this thought, ick, that's Celine Dion's title. Do you want people to think that? No. It's not about what people have the right to think about your poem, or whether they're right thinking about it. It's that people DO and WILL associate this with Celine Dion and think it's unoriginal. You don't want that. Not when it's wasting a wonderful opportunity to make up your own phrase/title and maybe have it become as popular as Celine's.
Re: Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	31-Mar-06/11:23 AM
Lovely. This reminded me of one of your poems... 'Sunlighting'. Somehow, poems like this get right to me. And the idea of it being about the eclipse.... fits in. About the title, I'm not sure which way it should go. Present one sounds okay. Or perhaps.... 'Moon's Affection'
Re: a comment on A Country Anecdote by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	31-Mar-06/11:15 AM
You asked if I lived in Tennessee, and your question inspired thinking along those lines. I enjoy responding more than I enjoy initiating, so thanks for the inspiration. That’s what draws me back to poemranker, even after the prolific guff I’ve gotten here. Speaking of which, you aren’t going to let the wife of god win, are you? I could bounce something back into your court: “Don't forget Dovina and Zodiac's bickering. If watching those to drive each other nuts doesn't make life worthwhile then I don't know what does.”
Re: a comment on Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	31-Mar-06/11:07 AM
Thank you drnick for your critique. You might find it more comfortable this way.....but you will see the name of Jesus in most of my poems.... even the one coming next. I don't think my freedom of expression in poetry can be stopped by anything or anyone. It's just that it's in me! The name of Jesus! And P.S.. Santa did not die for me. Jesus did! All the same, thank you for looking this poem up. Hope you get to like my style.
Re: The Unforgiven II by alvinb	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	31-Mar-06/10:54 AM
Hmmm. It's written well, but I don't get it clearly in the 5th stanza. Seems to be contradictory lines.... she loves me not, she loves me still.
Re: The Unforgiven II by alvinb	drnick 141.218.35.109	31-Mar-06/10:54 AM
Of all the Metallica songs you chose to rip-off, you picked this one?! I'm giving you a zero, obviously, and kicking you square in the nuts(if you have them) if I ever see you. Next time go with something like "Seek & Destroy."
Re: Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta	drnick 141.218.35.109	31-Mar-06/10:50 AM
This is pretty good, although it was obvious to me that this is about jebus/"God." I do appreciate that you didn't mention that explicitly in the poem, though. It might not be a bad idea to keep the name out from now on so your poems can be related-to by those of us who dont believe in Santa.
Re: a comment on Old Friend by drnick	drnick 141.218.35.109	31-Mar-06/10:45 AM
Hey, I really like that. Would it be wrong of me to use that?
Re: a comment on Old Friend by drnick	drnick 141.218.35.109	31-Mar-06/10:44 AM
Ya, the first line of stanza 2 is a bit lame. I knew it didn't sound quite right, but I couldn't think of anything else so I was hoping someone would help me out. When are you going to post something?
Re: A Country Anecdote by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	31-Mar-06/10:36 AM
Beautiful.
Re: a comment on Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	31-Mar-06/10:20 AM
Alchemy, full marks to you and JK Tyres! You seemed to understand this perfectly well. As for the title, I don't think I aught to change it just because Celine Dion has a song by that title. Aren't there innumerable lovely girls by the name Amanda. That doesn't change the fact that my content is original. Although I could agree with Dovina that the title 'waking hours' might sound more apt, by way of relating to the poem, rather than it being a title of someone else's song. All the same, thanks all of you for the instant votes. I'm surprised that it's pretty quick.
Re: A Country Anecdote by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	31-Mar-06/10:03 AM
I ask you a simple question and you give me some of the best stuff I've read in quite a while. See, I told you your replies are ace. 10+
Re: Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	31-Mar-06/9:51 AM
This is very sweet like Zodiac said but you might want to think of a slightly different title and phrase than "Because you love me" because Celine Dion has a hit song by the same name. I assume this is a poem to God. Which I like because of my prior arguments that believing in God is simular to being in love. 8 for now but more if you change the title/phrase slightly.
Re: a comment on 9/11 - The Jumpers by Caducus	zodiac 209.193.14.137	31-Mar-06/7:59 AM
"cirrus clouds". "747". "journey to America". Besides that, you've somehow managed to make poetic writing sound even clumsier and less-poetic than normal speech.
Re: a comment on Your Eyes Are Like Stearling Saphires in the month of June by tisa7	Ranger 62.252.32.15	31-Mar-06/3:46 AM
Free verse doesn't have a rhyming pattern? I beg to differ. If one were to write a rhymed poem which didn't conform to any set structure, it's fine to call it a free verse, surely? Agreed about the anon 10s
Re: a comment on 9/11 - The Jumpers by Caducus	Caducus 80.168.196.108	31-Mar-06/12:29 AM
You've picked the part of the poem which is basic yes. The klast stanza is possibly preachy maybe though i wanted to pose a question. A lot of thought has gone into this, for instance cirrhus clouds are beard shaped and travel east to west,pavements were portals (to heaven? an epiphany of hope?) Kodak graves - hopefully thats obvious. I hope irony is in here too in stanza 2. These jumpers were often referred to as 'suicide jumpers' - harsh words from some especially in the fact that catholics go to hell if they take their own lives, but hell was forced upon these people and it was burn or die. I would feel like shit as a relative having people label my loved one as a suicide jumper because faith is tested in loss enough as it is without the wounding words of those that play god with statements. Poetry like this is always a taboo in a way but I tried hard to avoid cliche and trite images and the basic part was their to lead people to how they feel now years after, slightly desensitized and less raw from that day and re-evaluate how they feel about something that was attempted to be covered up when infact everyone knew. All Americans i know are educated, decent people except for one and he's the guy who wouldnt know the hole in his ass. Thabnks for reading it.
Re: a comment on 9/11 - The Jumpers by Caducus	Caducus 80.168.196.108	31-Mar-06/12:20 AM
factual errors?
Re: Ghosts of years (rhymey edit) by ecargo	matt door 65.32.138.73	30-Mar-06/8:53 PM
Good thoughts - yet the words fail this poem. Too many words are used - it stains your meaning with feckless hot air.
Re: 9/11 - The Jumpers by Caducus	matt door 65.32.138.73	30-Mar-06/8:30 PM
Your skills have'nt risen - that's for sure!"the jumpers jumped"? "twin towers fell"? Come on - be a tad more crafty than this? Too basic.