Re: Racism by Dovina	nypoet22 65.10.104.91	8-Oct-06/9:59 AM
all this furor about a little tiger and a stand-off in the street. this must read better than i thought... but i always score high for rabble-rousing. must be the rebel in me.
Re: A Poem For George Bush by Edna Sweetlove	nypoet22 65.10.104.91	8-Oct-06/9:49 AM
in truth i don't think this is a particularly good poem, but i do love the way you managed to raise the ire of everyone in shouting distance and expose hypocrisy wherever it might lie. that's an enviable talent, and it's on that accomplishment i'm grading you. i'm really not against war, perhaps not even against pre-emptive war under certain circumstances, but anyone with even a nursery school education should have been able to see the probable outcome of a hastily planned, domestically motivated, essentially unilateral iraq conflict.
Re: a comment on love by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Oct-06/1:48 AM
I beg to differ. (Oh how emo of me...)
Re: Wanking In The Bucket by Edna Sweetlove	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Oct-06/1:42 AM
The title is ace!
Re: A Scientist’s Prayer by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Oct-06/1:41 AM
'Let anger undue pretense' is off-rhythm, and I'm not sure it actually scans. There are some good lines in here ('ruling dullards with the ax' made me smile) and the first two stanzas had a nice loose rhyme scheme, but it was missing after that. I'll always say that devotional poems are incredibly difficult to write without being too personal or uninteresting. Just the very nature of them, I guess.
Re: a comment on Peter by Wakeboarder20	Ranger 62.252.32.15	8-Oct-06/1:37 AM
No, it's a case of the pot desperately seeking attention by trying to be funny, and failing at both. I hate it when crockery doesn't shut up. Especially when I'm dying for a cup of tea.
Re: love by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	Dovina 12.72.46.7	7-Oct-06/12:41 PM
No it doesn't
Re: weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	Dovina 12.72.46.7	7-Oct-06/12:37 PM
If you are using commas at line ends, then use them wherever needed, at the end of line 2, for example. The grammar in verse 2 has some problem. After that I stopped counting and just read. I like the way ending thoughts lead to starting thoughts and back to the weather.
Re: a comment on Peter by Wakeboarder20	Wakeboarder20 71.227.248.140	7-Oct-06/10:08 AM
Hmmm. Isn't this a case of the pot calling the kettle black?
Re: Peter by Wakeboarder20	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.246.217	7-Oct-06/9:11 AM
That Peter was a total asshole. Why would anyone be interested in these jew fairy stories?
Re: Street Preacher by Dovina	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.246.217	7-Oct-06/9:10 AM
boring.
Re: May Sinners Rot In Fucking Hell! by Sing4Jesus!	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.246.217	7-Oct-06/9:09 AM
Another staggering, stuttering, mentally defective write! I love you, baby!
Re: Grab Out For J. Christ! by Sing4Jesus!	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.246.217	7-Oct-06/9:07 AM
Totally staggering! I don;t know whether to give it a 10 or a 0 - such a dreadful piece of writing is eithe genius or utter shite. Please let me know which at edna_sweetlove@yahoo.co.uk !!!!!!!!
Re: All I Can Hear Is A Rattle by colbaby	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Oct-06/3:19 AM
Needs work on the flow, but amusing.
Re: weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Oct-06/3:17 AM
Wow. This is really, really good. I don't know the idea behind the form, but I assume the repetitions are part of the structure? Even if not, they work well. Some awesome language (hurricaned street, mouth jacked open) although I've got to admit that a few words here and there didn't appeal to me (munching, mangled, and a few others) purely because I'm a bit of a snob poetically and like lots and lots of eloquent language ;-) In all honesty though, I'm going to have to come back and read this several times to take it all in (as should be the case with all good poetry). There are thirty-something haikus in here, and if done well that should make this poem (while not actually *that* long in comparison with much poetry) mind-blowingly full of images, ideas and hidden nuances that require slow reading to find. And on first sight, this IS mind-blowing.
Re: All I Can Hear Is A Rattle by colbaby	nypoet22 65.2.216.112	6-Oct-06/1:43 PM
first couplet ROCKS! the middle three don't go off nearly as smoothly though. ending picks up again, aided by internal rhyme as well as endrhyme. plus, social commentary clothed in vicarious self-effacement makes for an excellent closing idea. the dog under the truck and elevator that won't shut, although i understand the jokes, are just not very strong lines. edit, or maybe just eliminate those and pare the poem down to 3 stanzas to preserve the continuity? with this sort of poem, hit 'em quick and finish quick is often a good policy.
Re: a comment on Wyndham by Aetius	Aetius 216.254.9.2	6-Oct-06/12:35 PM
Feel free to illustrate. :) I'd love to see what you come up with.
Re: love by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Oct-06/3:48 AM
Indeed. Ever considered an alternative? Train-spotting? Charity? Perudo? None of them will actually be any good, but at least you can describe them.
Re: OK, I apologize - it's steaming shite and no mistake, but it was the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment. I'm off to slit my wrists now, since writer's block has sent me spiralling into the depths of the deepest depression in human history... by Yardbird	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Oct-06/12:18 AM
This is in the running for the awarde of 'Finest Title Of Ever'.
Re: A Night out With Chaucer by cleverdevice	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Oct-06/12:13 AM
(Except Dick Emeree is not yett borne So comparison maye nott be drawne) Glorious But still the veggie stoode forelorn For wantinge of an juicy prawne