Re: The Hunter, the Hunted, and the Bystander by Dovina	wilco 24.92.74.122	2-Nov-06/6:13 PM
how about "it's tire like that big-ass boulder from Raiders of the Lost Ark that almost ran over Indiana Jones at the beginning."
Re: Footsteps by MacFrantic	wilco 24.92.74.122	2-Nov-06/6:10 PM
Okay, I'll buy that as a decent poem.
Re: The Willy Poem by Engelbert Humpalot	wilco 24.92.74.122	2-Nov-06/6:07 PM
What kind of ignorant shit is this. Jesus Christ I should've stayed gone.
Re: The Willy Poem by Engelbert Humpalot	Dental Panic 84.85.206.227	2-Nov-06/3:09 PM
Hump more.
Re: Jesus Around Your Neck (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	Dental Panic 84.85.206.227	2-Nov-06/3:04 PM
Final Version - that made me laugh. But then again, it's not a poem. It's a sermon. Put on a purple robe and tell them hypocrites!
Re: Still by half.italian	Dental Panic 84.85.206.227	2-Nov-06/2:58 PM
I don't care about your memories, I don't care about your taste, I don't care about your poem and I don't care about the explanation you gave - you're explaining your feelings. I don't care about your feelings. Being vague isn't poetic, it's boring, most of the time.
Re: The Hunter, the Hunted, and the Bystander by Dovina	Dental Panic 84.85.206.227	2-Nov-06/2:44 PM
the image of a tire like a tiger's mouth doesn't work over here. Also the word 'guilty' is overdone. You shouldn't mention guilt - guilt works better that way, I think.
Re: a comment on Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic	Dental Panic 84.85.206.227	2-Nov-06/2:28 PM
'like a patient etherized upon a table', how does that work for you?
Re: a comment on Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic	Dental Panic 84.85.206.227	2-Nov-06/2:25 PM
Sadder wiser urgh? Yeah, maybe. I forced it in there, to make sure she wasn't happy. Still, it comes close to what I noticed there. I never make things up. I'll see about the enjambment. Thanks for the comment.
Re: a comment on Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic	Dental Panic 84.85.206.227	2-Nov-06/2:19 PM
Thanks for the comment. Nondescript, that's reflecting the mood pretty accurate, I guess.
Re: a comment on Timing by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.35.36	2-Nov-06/5:42 AM
Yes, these feminine pastel colors have a subliminal calming of the nasties. Most of the men in developing countries agree that the one with the most children wins; and that is the major source of the problem. I presume you were kidding.
Re: a comment on Still by half.italian	Dovina 12.72.35.36	2-Nov-06/5:38 AM
Yes, I think it works for you because you know the details. I often fall into the same delusion – thinking that because a scene is perfectly vivid in memory or imagination, it should be easily seen by a competent reader, or at least that some similar scene should come to their mind. And it’s true that all the details should not be necessary for this to happen. I think that in trying to be vague, you have erred on the side of giving too little detail. You say that in telling us too much, you would enjoy the poem less; but I say that in telling us too little, you have led us to false conclusions. It is not dog shit, but it is confusing or nebulous to me as written. Thanks for the coherent explanation.
Re: a comment on Timing by Dovina	half.italian 70.36.242.152	2-Nov-06/1:45 AM
Wow look at the pretty colors this discussion has created! I say the one with the most children wins.
Re: a comment on Still by half.italian	half.italian 70.36.242.152	2-Nov-06/1:33 AM
You know what, I don't think I made myself clear enough once again. I'm describing the memory of a past relationship. I am building a home of glass because I shouldn't be remembering these things. The feelings are like blinking fate because at times it feels like we should still be together. Maybe destiny is a better word here. Right and left are actualy sides of the brain; Im describing a person. I dont think its arrogant to think that somone who has similar tastes has correct taste. My taste is correct for me. Why wouldnt it be correct for the person who has the same tastes? I only mention the Eiffel Tower because of the memory of a poster of it. It is proper in its proportions because the poster was overlaid with a kind of enginnering document describing its arcs and beams etc. The more I read it, the more I like it. I don't think you need to know all the details to make it significant. But maybe it works for me because I do know the details. I try to be a bit vague in my poems intentionally to let the reader get a feeling rather than a message. When I do try to add detail I don't enjoy them as much...the feeling is gone. They should be cohesive for the uninformed reader though. Im a bit selfish in that sense. Maybe its dog shit...I don't know, but I enjoy it. I'll bet she would too. Thanks for reading Dovina.
Re: Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic	half.italian 70.36.242.152	1-Nov-06/10:32 PM
Reminds me of Hunter Thompson for some reason. Throw in some mention of ether and you'll be the next gonzo journallist.
Re: Suburban Spleen by Sasha	howl 81.178.72.28	1-Nov-06/2:20 PM
Every stanza should end with a full stop. I know you are experimenting with style but it doesn't work. I don't like the final stanza (first two lines of) either.
Re: Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic	howl 81.178.72.28	1-Nov-06/11:19 AM
sadder wiser beers is urgh. The final stanza's enjambment is off. Why not just: It was a fire balloon from Essen/launched to measure high altitude winds. No aliens here/just hazy earthlings, shooting/into the dark bushes.
Re: a comment on Still by half.italian	Dovina 12.72.37.83	1-Nov-06/10:32 AM
Sorry, that's too arogant, even for me.
Re: Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic	Dovina 12.72.37.83	1-Nov-06/10:30 AM
If male, you show inordinate female understanding in the first stanza. "sadder wiser beers, drank locked behind playgrounds" says a lot. Stanza 2 blows it mostly, first with the nondescript salutation to Burundi, then the periods in UFO. And how is that related to the excellent start?
Re: a comment on The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy	Dovina 12.72.37.83	1-Nov-06/10:22 AM
"Despite" probably is too, especially if you assume the archaic meaning - "contempt" or "scorn" - which fits nicely with "hag."