Re: Better Sex by Dovina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 80.47.198.114	11-Jan-07/5:15 PM
You didn't have 'Better Sex'. You didn't even have sex. You just talked for two boring hours on the phone. Talk about gutted.
Re: Brinkmanshit by Stephen Robins	Dental Panic 84.27.81.27	11-Jan-07/1:49 PM
To be printed as a prayer for redemption in a rest-home - imagine spending the last years of your life being constipated: it's one of the hidden tragedies of humanity. Anyway, here's a link: http://goodlooguide.freeservers.com/
Re: Asbestosis by Stephen Robins	Dental Panic 84.27.81.27	11-Jan-07/1:40 PM
Good title. And a good read. You could loose one 'school' in the last stanza, I think.
Re: Bullet Heaven by MacFrantic	Dovina 75.82.85.162	11-Jan-07/11:44 AM
Rhythm is pretty constant until the last 3 lines, rhyme too. Why quit now?
Re: The dancers by richa	Dovina 75.82.85.162	11-Jan-07/11:15 AM
A nice comparison and even a bit emotional, for which you should be ashamed. "they." in S5 seems abrupt, as if something's missing.
Re: a comment on Brains for Barter by Dovina	Dovina 75.82.85.162	11-Jan-07/11:04 AM
Welcome back. Even one with whom I have fought is welcome back. The last line is cliché, I know, and will look for better words. The first verse needs to show that N, while smarter, feels no need to flaunt it – will consider flakiness.
Re: a comment on Brains for Barter by Dovina	Dovina 75.82.85.162	11-Jan-07/11:04 AM
Thanks, and good to see you back. Admittedly, those “I’d”s and “your” s are there mostly for rhythm, and don’t advance the meaning. Possibly they add to the personal emotion of N, for what that’s worth.
Re: The dancers by richa	Shuushin 63.167.136.250	11-Jan-07/10:55 AM
wondering at the "I can see"s and the "I could see" seems unnecessary. and "under gravity" as is, doesn't provide much value, does it? Some beefier description of how the gravity works upon the dancer/stone. mebbe just a modifier for gravity; I don't know. "and then/[some simile of gravity], collapsing"/"then finding their feet" still, I like it alot.
Re: a comment on The dancers by richa	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 217.36.49.166	11-Jan-07/9:23 AM
Only Gieves & Hawkes will do for me. A man should change his tailor less often than he changes his wife. That said, Hunstman are a solid breed, as are Kilgour (if a little too contemporary for my excellent tastes). Where do you shoppe?
Re: a comment on The dancers by richa	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	11-Jan-07/8:06 AM
He is sporting a terrible tie, quite probably from Next and a shint suit. Looks like he ploughs his furrow in recruitment consultancy or estate agency.
Re: a comment on The dancers by richa	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 217.36.49.166	11-Jan-07/8:01 AM
Alexander Horsfall_Turner. Left column, 8th picture down. Sadly the years have not been kind to his cheeks; they've lost much of their former lustre.
Re: a comment on The dancers by richa	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 217.36.49.166	11-Jan-07/7:52 AM
Don't know him.
Re: a comment on The dancers by richa	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	11-Jan-07/7:16 AM
and does this link give you a picture of burgers? he looks like he's lost weight: http://www.rgshw.com/oldboys/index2_nj.php?content=dinner_06/dinner.htm
Re: a comment on The dancers by richa	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	11-Jan-07/7:04 AM
Were you friends with that much loved ethnic Aqib Kadar?
Re: a comment on Russian absinthe by AlexandraLeaving	AlexandraLeaving 4.237.208.45	10-Jan-07/9:33 PM
Yes it is actually a zhivago reference one of my favorite books
Re: The dancers by richa	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 80.47.198.114	10-Jan-07/4:02 PM
A good try!
Re: May Sinners Rot In Fucking Hell! by Sing4Jesus!	unouluvme 65.112.121.29	10-Jan-07/1:54 PM
what a load of crap. i get the feeling youre not really a christian
Re: Fragrant Love by Engelbert Humpalot	unouluvme 65.112.121.29	10-Jan-07/1:52 PM
wow. if you really did this you're a bitch.but it does make a good poem.
Re: Brains for Barter by Dovina	richa 81.178.70.203	10-Jan-07/12:22 PM
The last line is a bit of a let down. It's the right idea but the image needs to be more interesting. The language in the first verse is a bit flakey.
Re: Brains for Barter by Dovina	Shuushin 63.167.136.250	10-Jan-07/7:42 AM
You're improving, Dovina (to my ear, anyway ;o) okay. I'd loose the second "I'd" and two of the three "Your"s (prolly keep the second, loose the others). In general, and you can take this away to your other things, try to remove the words that don't advance the meaning (like scenes in a movie that don't advance the story). I know this is more of a lighter poem but it is still worth the exercise. Probably.