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Asbestosis (Free verse) by Stephen Robins
That the accursed wretch, Deemed it appropriate To talk to me, Eleventh Baron of Windermere, Left me both dumbfounded with rage, And soiled with shame. You see, I had been left, With Mortgaged estates, A couple of incontinent dogs, And a position. Yes, a title, and a reputation. I had expectations, And expensive schooling, Which taught me the three ways, Of being buggered. And the joy, Of mutual masturbation. Thus equipped, I embarked on a stint with the Guards, And my first encounter with women, At Annabels. My distended trousers, Illustrated my inexperience. Over time my Adams apple, Was lost to my jowls, And then the incontrovertible truth, That being a fat, sodomised toff, Was not the basis of a sound marriage. Losing half of what little I had, To an alcoholic Prussian lesbian, Had ten Barons turning in graves, Lost the lot to a Boche, To buy prosthetic sausage, I could hear them rage. So when Bertie, a chum from School, Mentioned underwriting risk at Lloyds, It seemed like a good wheeze, Pay for the new roof, And maybe some dog nappies. Then a load of chaps with dickie lungs, Died prematurely, their peroxided wives, Foreclosed on my seat, And I was left talking to this pleb, At the housing office, about welfare payments. Whilst some of my school "chums", The bright ones, Made a fortune as barristers, Persecuting my class, With the vindictiveness of someone, Who was on the receiving end at school.

Up the ladder: Kodak Moment

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.976287
Overall Rank: 8227
Posted: January 8, 2007 4:29 AM PST; Last modified: January 8, 2007 4:29 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] Dental Panic @ 84.27.81.27 | 11-Jan-07/1:40 PM | Reply
Good title. And a good read.
You could loose one 'school' in the last stanza, I think.
[7] Engelbert Humpalot @ 85.210.225.22 | 14-Jan-07/12:02 PM | Reply
One of your better attempts, among your many assorted personages here.
[n/a] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 > Engelbert Humpalot | 15-Jan-07/5:25 AM | Reply
What the bloody hell are you gibbering on about? I have three usernames, everyone, me and fuzzylogicisatwat.
[n/a] deleted user @ 80.225.147.196 | 16-Jan-07/1:49 PM | Reply
I see, you have the gall to attack my poetry when you write such drivel as this?.Dear oh dear this has to be worse than your last effort and i wonder how you think you have any talent at all.Even for free verse this has no form at all, the story is rancid like the words nd there is no scope at all. you have used the old i am going to offend everyone approach that seems to be prevelant on this site and your main aim other than writing is to abuse everybody else except certain people. Maybe as you have already said you have more than one name here, they are all the same person you!.
I would start to actually read peoples poems and some classical works too such as Shelley, Keats, Alice Oswald, Jane Griffiths etc and read a few text books on how to write poetry as well and then you may actually produce something worth reading rather than this nonsense and perhaps when you should read other peoples work on this site instead of being sarcastic which is the majority of the postings you have put on here.
[n/a] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 > deleted user | 17-Jan-07/2:47 AM | Reply
Colin,

When you have 53 years of failure under your belt I suppose you are in the position to cast your oafish countenance upon my work and feel a little put out. However, after four years on this website I fear I am too firmly set upon being a childish troublemaker to heed your well argued and thoughtful comment.

I did Alice Oswald at school but that is an entirely different story.
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