Please write a part three.

I had to school myself Wikipedia-style about Senryu -- "Senryū (川柳, literally 'river willow') is a Japanese form of short poetry similar to haiku in construction: three lines with 17 or fewer morae [typo in Wikipedia or omission? maybe someone can explain?] (not syllables) in total. However, senryū tend to be about human foibles while haiku tend to be about nature, and senryū are often cynical or darkly humorous while haiku are serious. Senryū do not need to include a kigo, or season word, like haiku." Anyway, I think I can hereforth only speak and write in Senryu. My foibles have been bursting to find a proper outlet, and damn, am I sick of writing those serious, nature-based haiku. P.S. thank you

I like this. My take is the narrator is so self-righteous he can't see the forest for the trees.

"a devout with a minor in debauchery," an absolutely brilliant line.

Nice write.

I have trouble with this Skilton creep. He's a mental defective mongo and a train spotter so we shouldn't be too unkind to him. On 2nd thoughts, let's laugh.

I couldn't have put it better about poor Colin, even if I had written it myself.

"I" absolutely adore this poem!

Good to see you writing again :)

waaaaaaa

YES ! Two small nits. J-flits, and Old spice... oh wait no, well, shoot. The old spice itself is cliche but it steers me away from boyfriend/girlfriend and into father/daughter, so.... Anyway, it's ace. if you revise it any, please post. I'd like to add it to my faves.

I second Paul S.

I've been to this poem twice now. I'll give it a third in a few days.

I think you could lose the comma. I know you can do better.

Curveball. A little too forward, I think. I like the ingredients

I get to use my favorite suggestion. Put it in the blender and hit frappe. It comes across a little too list-like. Blend the people with the foods a bit. There's much to work with here. Please revise.

chaos is much too good for me? ok then.

I almost missed this. It's a bit list-like.( I have the same problem) If you go through and cut as many, well, look at the left column of words and then blend the sentences more. Man, theres so much here to work with and I wanna rewrite it to help(I won't). I don't know where to begin. 6. I really want to see a revision.

As a christian I am mildly piqued but as a logophile I am mortally offended.:(

I feel you are not critical enough of your own ungodliness. Is religious devotion really a consequence of a truth being 'forgotten' or do the religious search for a truth that was never reachable through non devotion. 'Wisdom wanes cleverness and knowledge shines' I find intriguing although I can not be sure whether you see wisdom waning as a loss that leads to the undeserved precedence of knowledge or that you see something wrong with wisdom that stands in the way of knowledge. In the final couplet chaos can be interpreted as the lack of a truth the predominance of relativism and cynicism that values nothing and that the new church can be a good thing. I don't think you meant that though. The poem sounds good anyway. It is a shame some of the words didn't have different meanings.