Shut up.

What a complete bore you are.

Would echo than dancing is redundant (getting rid of it brings out the alliteration of 'waltzes with' better too). Listless sand - nope, you need to show what the sand is doing to make you think it is listless. Last verse; death, birth, yearn, beautiful, smile are a touch unimaginative. Good though, well written.

Reads quite nicely. The conflict at the end is far too cliched though, needs some kind of insight or... something.

The first stanza and last two lines are contrived crap, the rest awesome.

Indeed. Pot rules.

When I heard my first English nigger, I laughed, they sound just like the white ones when you close your eyes.

I loved how you germinated your feet, now that's just precious.

Pass me the boiled water and funnel.

Whoopee

A hole that swallows horizons? Fires burned down the beach? Drug: A narcotic substance. A 'rebel' of sea salt? It's insergence, not insergent.

What's with all the pronouns? The most common mistake poetry hacks make, is not using nouns. This is a interesting as a venetian blind.

Are you mis-spelling all those words on purpose? Not to mention the lack of grammar.

Schizophrenia deluxe.

A substancial as a miracle whip and cheez-whiz sandwich, and just as tasty.

There isn't enough accessible chilled white wine in my house currently for me to put my pee pee on your poeme and hump it furless, but hold this and I'll try.

Ah! I remember the end of WWI so well. I like it.

Beautifully dank.

Unreadable, among other things.

To set the stage for this, I wrote this for school. We have to write a series of prologues, as there was in the book Canterbury Tales by Geoffry Chaucer. The idea is that 4 people are moving over to Amsterdam. So, as they arrive onboard their plane, the flight attendant describes each person in turn.