so, you didn't boil and eat him?

too many times the world is this way. but as a poem, it is telling more than showinhg. and i am a dick, maybe. but that is that. a weak, insignificant teary-eyed one, whose dreams are so different than the waking world.

I don't see why you would plagiarize something like this. Maybe it was something else you copied, can't say. Yeah, being pretty doesn't matter sometimes, but hey, it's a great quality if you've got it and can use it instead of some other stuff. Okay, I'm preaching.

Oh the ways that one succumbs. Take my eight and go in peace oh ms. shady tongued and polite.

A lot of prose here, but not a lot of meaning. Could use a lot of shortening.

Reminds me of an enprawning.

Yes, it sounds sappy as you say, but what are friends for?

I like your name.

crabby patties for all

rotary phone is a nice touch. I've been critiqued for my line breaks recently, but some of these give me pause. If no one else says anything then its just me.

Very good. I like the way you pertray the girl and the how you make here speak, good attention to detail there. The second line in the second couplet troubles me. I know there has to be a smoother way to write that. That first couplet though, is killer, great meter, concise intro, very strong, it grabs me. if you left out the last two lines in the first long stanza, it would have more impact. Let the reader come to some conclusions. Don't explain it for us. it's so much sweeter when you let the audience figure it out. Also 'you understand?' is a funny and real. It makes a nice way to end the stanza. Is she talking to you or are you talking to us? I like that. You don't need 'I thought' at the beginning of the next stanza, or 'written'. This stanzas confusing, yo9u got ''thought' twice, again, maybe if you removed the first one it would be easier, or you could change 'the' to 'these' in front of 'thought' in the 3rd line. 'of a foreign tongue' The endings perfect, so overall a good poem, I enjoyed it.

All the arbitrary line breaks just make this piece irritating to read. You want to say "grey rustle of newspaper pages turning", but because of the line breaks you think "oh I ought to pause or something", so you say "grey rustle of... newspaper... pages turning" etc. and the whole thing just sounds jagged and thoroughly unpleasant. Then you end up thinking "well maybe I shouldn't pause there", so you don't, but in the back of your mind is the lingering suspicion that the fucking linebreaks may as well have not been there in the first place, because all they did was confuse you until you eventually ignored them.

Practically perfect. Reminds me of Eliz. Bishop. You should think abiout removing the 'My daughter and me' basically that's what the entire poem is saying. you don't need that kind of flashing neon arrow pointing it out. I really do enjoy thinking about this poem. I read it the first time two days ago and have been carrying it around since. Actually, on second thought, perfect.

gripping to a certain degree - maybe grasping. Lots of nice symbolism to play with, but I think *maybe* it's a tad long. and that last sentence needs to go.

See, now that's deep.

Nice edit. Perfect.

Yes, this is charming. You should title it simply; The Day I Put My Socks On Backwards

'An arsenal of nothingness' I'm no Isaac Newton but isn't that like totally scientifically impossible? Otherwise corn-filled mawkish tripe.

If you've ever once been to Mississippi or had any closer experience to Mississippi than the now-defunct television program "In the Heat of the Night", I will do something unimaginable.

cute. a bit wordy, and I know the poem's about one facet of that, but I still didn't want to wade through the whole thing; rhythm's a bit off for me in several places. If you meant this seriously, and I see that you don't, I'd have to argue that Occam's Razor is only towards the simplest _sufficient_ explanation, and that would apply to the simplifications you make--they're context-dependant, and so it's hard to see whether they're overly-simplified or not in usage. ;) Points for the blend, though.