Dovina
on some deleted poem
6 Jul 2004, 12:28 PM
Yes, a bit cryptic, but lovingly nice.
Looks great.
Difficult form; I've got a crown I've been working on for about 2 years.
Keep at it.
The first stanza's too vague. Try the third stanza as the first. also the second stanza seems pointless. This poem needs work.
I will try one more time in reference to reality and give you another chance to ridicule me. But, this will be my final post on the subject.
The basic oneness of the universe is one of the most important revelations of modern physics. At the subatomic particle level, all things are interrelated, interconneted and interdependent. Reality is an abstraction devised by our discriminating and categorizing intellects. To believe our concepts of separate things and events are realities of nature is an illusion, plain and simple. If you don't believe me, then you don't believe in quantum mechanics, period, and all of your arguments have no basis in fact. If you don't know this basic truth, then you should avoid the subject rather than expose your ignorance which so far, has been considerable.
nicely cadenced. Stays on the elegant side of cryptic.
Having a doctorate in limerick construction, I expect you are free to experiment with all kinds of new forms of limerick, for example ones which have completely the wrong number of sylables and don't scan at all. I particularly enjoy your own brand of ambient lounge limerick.
I like it better with the last two lines seperated out as a couplet.
May I interrupt long enough to ask any of you science people a question? Iâm fascinated with the news story that a tiny piece of dust has actually been observed in two places at the same time, a dice-throwing kind of outcome even Einstein feared. Iâm trying to find the person who witnessed this so I can thank him or her. It explains some things Iâd like to incorporate into a poem. Who was that?
Run when the lions are lethargic. Good.
I think you mean lions' shade.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
6 Jul 2004, 5:48 PM
Splended. -10-
The lower case 'b' on 'beatrice' is what really makes this piece something special. -10-
Back slidin' runnin' away, back slidin' comin' home. Good rhythm , a kinda' country feelin'
congrats on trying something new and different. I
enjoyed and give it a nine. Only 5 more to go?
Bogatar and "open top car" go very well, even if a little telegraphed.
A better than average effort. Buried. "Six feet" is less important than "under-buried." Cliches are as easy to fall into as falling off a log and down into a hole dug in a graveyard.
Too funny. Too sad. Fry it in oil inside a radar range.
Some yeast recipes ask you to punch down the dough midway through rising. All of a sudden, this peacenik poem takes a bloody turn.
I'm sorry to inform you, sir, that this piece is not as original as you might believe. In the 60's, there were posters with this poem in every accounting office. Ah, at my age, there is nothing new. A-5- for channeling the past so well.
Put on a shit eating grin!