..no.

You had some rhyme scheme..untill the last part.

INSIPID A frolicking menstrual cramp.

INSIPID horus8...this is your mother speaking...I have taken over the flabby body of tchee...

INSIPID A walloping pile.

INSIPID A superb title.

So you have a problem with islamic terrorists and christians dropping cluster bombs and people dying and that members of the army do what they are told. Big whoop.

I usually yawn at this sort of political rant. But it's not a bad rendition of a familiar chant

"Thus is more than you can aim unto," Is a strange thing to say for a tweenager. Must have been watching Dawson's creek I guess. I get the feeling of someone moving into young adulthood. There is apprehension in 'make a wanton of me' (I am guessing you use wanton in its precise sense of unchaste). The relationship between the tweenager and the narrator is unclear. The same person, a younger sister maybe. There is an elegance in the poem, a clear progression and a certain feeling of reflection. Very good.

rrrrrrrrRRRRRRRIPOFF!!!!!!

because feeling cold is the only way we can remember what it feels like to be warm. And HOW you are is very different than WHO you are. I would work on the WHO part and let the HOW follow. Keep it up. It sounds like you have a lot more to let out.

quick poem.

razorgrin

The rhymes aint too bad at all; unforced, and I was liking the sonnet-like structure - until the last line. that has to go, really does.

Cute idea. Let me try an invisible comment:

try: "(I usually spend the night there)" "but strong to pull up her" is awkward, D. Is the lawn powerful enought to earn a capital? "if she leaves it unsecured" can go. Interesting stacato cadence - intentional?

nice title. I'd rather see it left after "...can."; the rest is a chewey burrito of suspect ingredient.

You deleted all my comments. Unprofessional.

68.124.81.110 68.124.81.110 68.124.81.110 This is hilarious. I looked at my ratings and the three poems that were on the "Best" list had recieved a 0 from the above IP. So I figured, whoever got above me on the Best list was the one who voted on them. I also realized that since they were literally within seconds of each other the voter had no time to actually read the poems. I noticed your Username there on the best list, just above my own. So I checked on who voted on yours. It turns out 68.124.81.110 voted on ALL of your poems, yes ALL of them on July 9th. Not only that, but they were all tens. So, 68.124.81.110, or crystal lane swift, I understand how much your vote inflation means to you, but don't give other people 0's just because they're better than you. It makes you look as bad as you really are.

68.124.81.110 68.124.81.110 68.124.81.110 This is hilarious. I looked at my ratings and the three poems that were on the "Best" list had recieved a 0 from the above IP. So I figured, whoever got above me on the Best list was the one who voted on them. I also realized that since they were literally within seconds of each other the voter had no time to actually read the poems. I noticed your Username there on the best list, just above my own. So I checked on who voted on yours. It turns out 68.124.81.110 voted on ALL of your poems, yes ALL of them on July 9th. Not only that, but they were all tens. So, 68.124.81.110, or crystal lane swift, I understand how much your vote inflation means to you, but don't give other people 0's just because they're better than you. It makes you look as bad as you really are.