this poem lacks taste

Smashin, but I think the last word in the last line should be 'fleeting' instead of "fleet". Other than that lil nitpick, it's solid. Blessed with ten.

Brilliant. Love the build up.. Blessed with ten.

Splendid. This is the best poeme about Spags ever.

I hope you all like it - it took me three and half weeks to choose the word and a further three and half weeks to judge the positioning. Having invested so much into this poem I have been left as deflated as a Sudanese breast so any words of praise or polite criticism would really help to reinflate my sagging, droopy mamms.

i like it except you misspelled QUIDDITCH

hi. i realy like your poem!!!1

I like everything butt the end. To avoid all the ambiguity, it should read: After all the dieting, Makeup, Fashion, Poise, He finally noticed, He was fat and gay.

I like the way you've crammed several poemes into one submission. It allows the reader to sort of rank your entire life in one go. -6-

Too long, couldn't get through it, sorry

I talked to Jesus the other day. He's pissed because Leno just keeps on sucking. The poem..a little simplistic from you. I guess I'm just expecting more.

I cannot imagine what one could find ambiguous about this poem.

The last section "Flow" is absolutely great. I wonder why you placed the three days after death in reverse order. They seem better chronologically. I see the year before death as good at the end though. Why the indented form on just one section? And the long lines in just one section? It seems better to hold the short-line form throughout. You will not receive the attention you deserve on poemranker with poems this long. The last section, in particular, could stand alone. "He clutched it by the throat,"

The last three lines don't make sense. cliches abound. Try for originality.

Is this written in English?

I see something in this. The image is obscured by your immersion in the material. I think EP said it best, "Put the pen down. Back away from the paper..." Go to a coffee shop and listen to the people talking. Listen to what cashiers and ticket takers at the theater say to you. Hear the way people talk to each other when they think someone else is listening THEN come back and re-write this good idea you have. Just one thing...avoid all those stupid inanities that people use in their daily speech. Your good idea deserves more respect than the day to day parlance people use at the supermarket unless that voice is an integral part to our understanding of the poem. Don’t stop writing. Don’t be discouraged by comments on poemranker. Take what you can use and make your stuff better. I see something in there but it needs your help to get it into focus.

Hey, this is really great!!1 It reminds me of my new poem. Can I make a suggestion? I reckon "perchance" would be better as "peradventure."

My favorite bit is : A shoe-string, dear? Bright red. Short It cannot be for an adult’s shoe. Genius

"Nothing is forever Because forever always ends" I am imagining the look of quiet satisfaction on your face when you came up with that sodden fuckmuffin, and frantically tightening a vise on my remaining teste to take away the discomfort.

well...i think the poem is average. but you should get many 10s from god's children