Dan garcia-Black
on Wind by Dovina
13 Jul 2004, 11:43 AM
Is it 'voices' promising us life as the wind drives the heavy, cold, dead clouds? What are the voices saying? I may be missing a key point, I admit. I am not good with nature. If this were about a 1957 Chevy BelAir, I'd have a better grasp of the subject matter. But I like the sound of the words blowing around in this poem.
Is it a sorry waste? Do the greyhounds race again? Iâm not good with greyhounds and Chevys, racing and all. If this were about the wind, I'd have a better grasp of the subject matter. But I like the sound of howling dogs and mournful words blowing around in this poem.
No i tink ing diz iz z bill and z ben
from uk tv yar
Contemporary takes artifical sweetner. -10-
Religion takes bread and wine.
Poetry takes vino, vinegar and caster oil.
The metaphor goes on for too long. Try editing out the preposition after 'hanging'. Also the one after subject. I don't think the parathetical at the end of the poem adds anything.
I like the poem.
Stay! Please don't go. The cool woods of the northeast in July, what could be finer, not Carolina.
"The mountain slips by" The Old Man slips off his perch. Let's glue him back together like humpty-dumpty.
No doubt a take on the recent arguement about indentation and spacing. In this case space is everything.
If the man wants to indent his shit, then who cares.
This is more along he lines of what I expect from you. I think the last one could be good with more work, though.
Blobby blobby blob!!
Is flob a typo? shouldn't it be "Blob alob, alob?" Nice ending.
I come away with a good feeling about this without much in the way of logical connections. Much of poetry is about how we feel rather than how we understand, and the blank space adds to the feeling. I also write notes to myself about the pigeons walk and such.
"With each look, my heart you steal"
Why didn't you write "We go outside the grill to start... you steal my heart?"
Because it doesn't fit with the conversational tone of the rest of the poem. When you reverse the order of words to make something rhyme it makes one pause and wonder why it could not have been said in a more natural way.
However, the internal rhyme in
"I still canât believe that you are mine
I am my best when I'm- with you." gave me pause in appreciation that it wasn't "you are mine...when with you I'm."
"it is an over-used line" is very true.
The best part of this poem is that the image of the family gathering and significant other makes it through the maze of cliches. I, too, would have quit reading after life/ strife (it's a moon/ June) but I'm trying to give a 'good read' to everything. If I ignore the aforementioned negatives, I'll -7- the poem on the strength of the feelings-- comfort and satisfaction.
Tambourine man and candy man mean the same thing so this works for me.
Very good. I notice the period and then the QUIM. At times it seems that life is more about the periods than about the Quim. Well, there's always the foreign "Poontang" to look into.
sweet fern raises a question that i cannot answer. are ferns sweet?
a triumph
Apparently - there is a cure for poison ivy around here that is made from "sweet fern tea".
(haven't tried it myself though)
I love the poem but isn't it sad what people put them selves through just to get noticed by others? Why can't we just be our selves and still get noticed? The one that notices you then will truely appreciate who you are compared to the one who notices you for the mask that you put on.