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Wind

Member since 2004 · Posted 13 Jul 2004 · 5 comments

Driven against its will, The lonesome wind, Searching, despairing, Waves on the desert Waves on the sea, Surf beating uninhabited shore, Many voices in the wind, Heavy clouds, Cold as death, Promising as life.

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mean 7.55 weighted 6.27 rank 911 views 352 View voting details →

11 votes so far. Yours would make 12.11 votes so far

5 comments

[9] Dan garcia-Black 13-Jul-04/11:43 AM Reply

Is it 'voices' promising us life as the wind drives the heavy, cold, dead clouds? What are the voices saying? I may be missing a key point, I admit. I am not good with nature. If this were about a 1957 Chevy BelAir, I'd have a better grasp of the subject matter. But I like the sound of the words blowing around in this poem.

[n/a] Dovina › Dan garcia-Black 13-Jul-04/11:50 AM Reply

Driven against my will,
In a lonesome Chevy,
Searching, despairing,
Tire tracks on the desert
Tire tracks on the seashore,
Surf beating uninhabited shore,
Many voices under the hood,
Heavy clouds,
Cold as death,
Promising as life.
I aim to please

[9] Dan garcia-Black › Dovina 13-Jul-04/12:36 PM Reply

Now it's definitely a -10-.

[7] god'swife 13-Jul-04/1:49 PM Reply

Do you need the 'as' in the last line? When I read this my mind automatically left it out. The second sentence might work better as the first.

The lonesome wind driven
against its will;
...

[n/a] Dovina › god'swife 13-Jul-04/1:59 PM Reply

Thanks for your comments. I put the 'as's in the last two lines to show comparison rather than cause and effect, either way could work though. The first line switch might work, hmmmm.