Poemranker [Poem: Wind] [by Dovina] Thu Nov 21 10:21:13 PST 2024

[9] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.159.205.205 | 13-Jul-04/11:43 AM | Reply

Is it 'voices' promising us life as the wind drives the heavy, cold, dead clouds? What are the voices saying? I may be missing a key point, I admit. I am not good with nature. If this were about a 1957 Chevy BelAir, I'd have a better grasp of the subject matter. But I like the sound of the words blowing around in this poem.

[n/a] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > Dan garcia-Black | 13-Jul-04/11:50 AM | Reply

Driven against my will,
In a lonesome Chevy,
Searching, despairing,
Tire tracks on the desert
Tire tracks on the seashore,
Surf beating uninhabited shore,
Many voices under the hood,
Heavy clouds,
Cold as death,
Promising as life.
I aim to please

[9] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.159.205.205 > Dovina | 13-Jul-04/12:36 PM | Reply

Now it's definitely a -10-.

[7] god'swife @ 4.231.183.246 | 13-Jul-04/1:49 PM | Reply

Do you need the 'as' in the last line? When I read this my mind automatically left it out. The second sentence might work better as the first.

The lonesome wind driven
against its will;
...

[n/a] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > god'swife | 13-Jul-04/1:59 PM | Reply

Thanks for your comments. I put the 'as's in the last two lines to show comparison rather than cause and effect, either way could work though. The first line switch might work, hmmmm.