horus8
on Ode to the Bun by JaneDC
14 Jul 2004, 12:29 PM
fat arse
Indeed.
A Fartstenching Staggering Work Of Weenus
yes, 'flob alob flob weeeed' is my favourite bit of bill and ben gibberish too.
I'd fuck you both with a rubber chicken, and then trade your violated besoiled vulvas to marylin mansons keyboardist Tic for a handfull of dippity doo and a pair of edible chaps.
Really, these chicks are like from Iowa?
The only thing to be scared of in Iowa, is POSSIBLY falling asleep, and than being sat on by a great aunt or a smart cow.
A. We don't know why, nor do we care why they are scared.
B. Even if we did, that wouldn't stop the laughing
C. I can't help but wonder, how can they BE SCARED when they are most asssuredly sighing because neither were forced into the trunk of a car with a rabid black midget nick named 'the wedge'.
I mean fine for one more day?
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Fine from what? Some frat boy schmuck sniffing out an untucked tampon string? their mother finding the brittle black skid marks on one of their secret g-strings?
Please., this poem is screaming for BIG BLACK COCK, any fucking blind babboon could see that
I mean "panting"?
LOL, okay...?
Somebody pass me my puppy shampoo.
YEAST
Yes
Old Rearends By Captain Napkin
A wedding mannana
Somewhere in Rowanda
The groom has AIDS
As Uranus fades
Away, yadda yadda
yadda.
The end is a touch disappointing, other than that excellent stuff.
that was good..but you know...the last line shows the whole meaning so i love the last line
At times I will notice someoneâs glance
in my direction, then I start to fear
that they must know.
My heart races my palms and soles sweat,
my panting commences, my only desire
is to become invisible.
But then they look away, I sigh knowing
that I am fine for one more day.
There is no reason to write it like you have and not like this I think.
Interesting
Pleasant enough sounds.
It's a good expression of something we've all experienced, but stretching it out over all these lines and blank lines only makes it less effective.
This isn't nearly as good as your first post.
Verses 1 and 2 good. Verse 3 weak. Verse 4 doesn't make sense.
I was turned off by the length of this from someone I hav'nt read before, but now I'm glad I read it anyway. Some of them are better than other (particularly, I think, Zin, Enough and Squeeze) but overall, very good. I'm impressed.
I think I would like this better if I had read it before the Zin/ poem. Maybe you set the bar too high and now I want it all to be that good. Still, not bad and better than most of what I've read today.
Find some of that emotion from your first post and use it. I know now that you've got the talent, but you've got to at least try. I know, sometimes you just want to get something posted and you think...hey, I'll change it later..I do it too..but well..nevermind.