stunning

This is sooooo... not a pimple

Have you ever heard of the difference between a letter and a poem?

"Moslem, becoming," just few typos, lots of forest gump rip offs, and a couple of rereads where spacing and metaphors, and spell check come into play

Great Job.

Lol... the last one is the only stanza that doesn't have something S&M about it.

Just beautiful.

rough around 'and bewildered' I like how it starts off, and I like the twistmessage you have to give, but the middle-to-end don't wrap it properly for me.

Completely takes a nose dive at the end.

This is really good, nice flow and topic.

Interesting, but some of your rhymes are really forced.

Some of these lines don't make sense at all...might want to edit some of your grammar and "fury" is with one "r"...

The Lord isn't a shepherd any more. That was ages ago, before He acquired the Golden Fleece of Ram-Naba-Ka'zaa', and spontaneously transformed into a First Level Spirit Mage +2. And what become of his flock? Well after obtaining a 2:1 in combined media studies at Loughborough University, the Lord approached various broadcasting companies throughout the UK and obtained sponsorship to develop a fleet of robotronic hobo shepherds. These autonomous hobotrons now serve all the Lord's shepherding needs, giving Him more time to concentrate on His hobbies, which include football, swimming, and designing multimedia business presentations. That was in 1997. He spent the next five years trying to apply is combined media skills commercially. After several failed attempts to market his multimedia business presentation toolkits, He now lives alone in North Derbyshire, where He has set up a small business selling acorns. -10-

Now thats original. No mistaking that for some one else's qoute, what so ever. Seriously nice parity. <3 Jason

Quite nice. A good sign is that I fairly quickly moved past the form of the poem (although the comma's are slightly... distracting - at least a learning curve) right to the content. I found this interesting, "I fumbled with childhood doors/As firmly shut against me as she is" yet in both cases (the door and the girl) you have the keys in your mouth. An enjoyable, mature piece.

charming read indeed.

I'm in color theory this term and this write makes me think of all the mystery of percieved color. I found it very subtle but loaded with truth.

Is this about authority or love, or both? revise and then we'll vote. "constantly"

i like this .... -mega

aweomse! this is totally aweseome! i love it! -megan