Dovina
on Lost by alvinb
15 Feb 2008, 3:24 PM
added - grammar
Jessica from Park? Let me know...didn't know I was in a poem:-0
absolutely beautiful! may fallen snow encase me.
It feels like a congregational in the church of hippie love, yes!
Quality. I love the line breaks before and after "see nothing deep". How on Earth did you come up with that? Pure instinct I guess...
This is exemplary of your talent.
This is a lovely poem. I think you should post it at another website I sometimes go to: http://poetryaddicts.pcriot.com/forum/ - it would be much loved there as indeed would you.....
This is a lovely poem. I think you should post it at another website I sometimes go to: http://poetryaddicts.pcriot.com/forum/ - it would be much loved there as indeed would you.....
This is a lovely poem. I think you should post it at another website I sometimes go to: http://poetryaddicts.pcriot.com/forum/ - it would be much loved there as indeed would you.....
emits sound
Reads like the ramblings of a toothless simpleton. Are you semi-literate, or what? Self-referential poemes are exceedingly bow'ls. But this is not. This is bum-crushingly stupid. For that you should be proud.
I love the epigraph--it sets the tone of the poem beautifully. Nice work.
Yes, a good statement, not too didactic. Not bad.
Can lose "as a sack" I think
"ugly" can go too
Line 4: "a young . . "
Do you really think your tears and your heartaches are greater than any others? "Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you." I Pet 4
The rhymes are forced. Rwanda deserves better.
good except penultimate stanza. Adding supernatural is a disappointment. First 5 verses are best.
This is a fabulous poem. The language is impecable and each stanza has been beautifuly crafted to carry its own weight. Well done.
2 yrs later i still enjoy reading this poem... 5yrs after my divorce. and we my ("ex" and i) run into eachother. and i didn't care anymore.. the pain is still there from what he did.. but i don't carry it like i use to..
Hey, is this the Jessica that went to Park??? let me know if you are!!!