poemranker ::Trust by hobojo

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Free verse № 30643

Trust

by hobojo

Member since 2002 · Posted 17 Dec 2002 · Edited 18 Feb 2008 · 7 comments

We slipped into sadness We both spiraled down We were in over our heads We both nearly drown I tried hard to climb out For so long I have grown And now look down with sadness To see you alone You reach for my hand Expecting my love "I am so sorry" I say as I look from above I tried to work with you I tried to assist Why didn't you let me Why did you resist

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mean 3.50 weighted 4.93 rank 9133 views 328 View voting details →

2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

7 comments

[4] nentwined 17-Dec-02/12:56 PM Reply
drown(ed?)

hmm. nah.
[1] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › nentwined 22-Feb-08/7:49 PM Reply
What's wrong with "drown"?

I drown
You drown
He/She/It drowns

We drown
You drown
They drown

Conjugate the mutherfucking verb you chump.
[1] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 22-Feb-08/7:52 PM Reply
Wait, now I get it. Conflicting tense. I feel shame.
[5] Caducus 19-Dec-02/9:15 AM Reply
I dont always vote on the whole poem and this one by you is a classic example why.

Stanza 1 nothing wrong with it.
its a bit generalistic and wishy washy from there.

However I wrote a whole poem last week around 2 lines i wrote from a poem 10 years ago, it was well received on here so just remember all the poetry you write is good because you write it, the key is finding the path to peoples empathy and originating a unique style that people buy. Anyway happy holiday hobojo, 0 votes fly around on this site like tears in a pram its not bad ---5
[n/a] Mr Pig 8-Sep-03/1:24 PM Reply
S1 is mixed up in the past and present tense and suggests the allegiance is to the rhyme rather than the point.

tryed is tried.

You're a good writer but this is not exemplary of your talent.
[1] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 22-Feb-08/7:55 PM Reply
This is exemplary of your talent.
[6] Edna Sweetlove 25-Feb-08/6:33 PM Reply
This is a passable poem. I think you should post it at another website I sometimes go to: http://poetryaddicts.pcriot.com/forum/ - it would be much loved there as indeed would you.....