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Trust (Free verse) by hobojo We slipped into sadness
We both spiraled down
We were in over our heads
We both nearly drown
I tried hard to climb out
For so long I have grown
And now look down with sadness
To see you alone
You reach for my hand
Expecting my love
"I am so sorry"
I say as I look from above
I tried to work with you
I tried to assist
Why didn't you let me
Why did you resist
Up the ladder:
couple of things
Down the ladder:
Mid Night Snack
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Posted: December 17, 2002 12:04 PM PST; Last modified: February 18, 2008 1:06 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.928861 Overall Rank: 9143 Comments:
I dont always vote on the whole poem and this one by you is a classic example why.
Stanza 1 nothing wrong with it. its a bit generalistic and wishy washy from there. However I wrote a whole poem last week around 2 lines i wrote from a poem 10 years ago, it was well received on here so just remember all the poetry you write is good because you write it, the key is finding the path to peoples empathy and originating a unique style that people buy. Anyway happy holiday hobojo, 0 votes fly around on this site like tears in a pram its not bad ---5
S1 is mixed up in the past and present tense and suggests the allegiance is to the rhyme rather than the point.
tryed is tried. You're a good writer but this is not exemplary of your talent.
This is exemplary of your talent.
This is a passable poem. I think you should post it at another website I sometimes go to: http://poetryaddicts.pcriot.com/forum/ - it would be much loved there as indeed would you.....
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hmm. nah.
I drown
You drown
He/She/It drowns
We drown
You drown
They drown
Conjugate the mutherfucking verb you chump.