| Re: A Hallmark Card for You (With Love) by Bluemonkey |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
13-Jun-05/3:34 PM |
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I'm trying to think of someone I might send this to, and coming up blank.
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| Re: After seven days in the sun by <~> |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
13-Jun-05/4:00 PM |
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The reprises wear out after stanz 5 but a good and original form just the same.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
13-Jun-05/4:09 PM |
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I'll hold off saying why I'm laughing. For now, I'll just take exception to "togetherness that was never there to begin with" as meaningless.
I like the spacing.
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| Re: on passing through some small town by Dental Panic |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
13-Jun-05/4:15 PM |
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Drop the first line.
Second verse is good.
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| Re: Flamingo's Stare by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
13-Jun-05/4:18 PM |
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I think you could say this better with the restraints of haiku.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
13-Jun-05/4:18 PM |
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Meaningless? Not for me, it is. And not for the people who married because God and his mortal sidekicks want them to. Moral blackmail it is called and it made, and makes, a lot of men and women suffer. Not me, it does. Therefore I owe them a poem.
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| Re: I Wrote A Poem by Blue Magpie |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
13-Jun-05/4:22 PM |
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Like Dr. Seuss. The ending is weak.
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| Re: Emotionally Unavailable by horus8 |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
13-Jun-05/4:39 PM |
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Associative writing. A keyword (f.i. 'emotion'), and from there on write everything down that pops into your mind. It can lead to interesting finds. I mean, who would think of using 'Moo-moo' in a poem and a reader's advice to pause for a demented laugh?
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| Re: Unclean by Dovina |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
13-Jun-05/5:53 PM |
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>>and added other cuts and bruises
to disguise as best they could
injury as a robbers act<<
The most horrifying part, in fact.
The woman's question; a breathtaking moment.
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| Re: Books by sacred_poet_me |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
13-Jun-05/6:09 PM |
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So true. But the phrasing could have done with a little more imagination.
By the way; Europe congratulates Michael Jackson on his victory. Of course he and McCaulkin feeled each other up, but that can't be the reason the latter one rode the coke wagon.
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| Re: Books by sacred_poet_me |
horus8 24.130.62.63 |
13-Jun-05/7:05 PM |
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Like describing a blow job on Uranus.
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| Re: Unclean by Dovina |
horus8 24.130.62.63 |
13-Jun-05/7:06 PM |
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Christ, you'r like CNN but with bigger tits and a smaller camera.
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| Re: Unclean by Dovina |
Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.20.35 |
14-Jun-05/12:36 AM |
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I disagreed with the general premise of your poem.
However, I did see the images in my head as I read it.
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| Re: Racism by Dovina |
Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.20.35 |
14-Jun-05/12:54 AM |
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| Re: Returning by Dovina |
Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.20.35 |
14-Jun-05/12:55 AM |
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I thought of cigarettes when I read this. Camel hard pack. I have no idea why.
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| Re: Panama by Dovina |
Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.20.35 |
14-Jun-05/12:57 AM |
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| Re: Prickly Pear by Dovina |
Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.20.35 |
14-Jun-05/12:58 AM |
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I self-define as a cactus that wants a hug.
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| Re: Sudden Change by Dovina |
Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.20.35 |
14-Jun-05/1:00 AM |
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| Re: Mr. Campbell's final journey by jroday |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
14-Jun-05/6:58 AM |
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The rhyming keeps the very long lines from going astray. This is a good one. It would have been a lot better if you hadn't been so outright about 'strapping into an electric chair'. Stanza 2 contains all we need to now about that.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
14-Jun-05/7:31 AM |
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Scratch out 'and' in line four. Also change one of them 'smears' into 'blur' or 'smudge'
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