Written down a bit too impulsively, but what you wrote down is most effective. I like this one a lot.

I once read a card that carried the message: Everyone thinks you're an asshole. I think there was a picture of a hissing kitty on the front. It was a long time ago.

I confess.

I haven't got the words.

good and funny

Misery is a woman. Ha! nice.

I like the flow of it. There is bit of Maxi Jazz in it. This is my curse.

Amazing that a poem titled 'I want you' generates 13 hits within six hour. I clearly gave mine the wrong title and failed miserably on 'recognisability' as well..

m a s t u r b a t o r

Not very goth...try rewriting it with different words..and a different theme...and change the title...that would make it better in my opinion.

Write this from the point of view of a Rwandan refugee and you've got something.

The last quatrain is very good, as is the final line. The first quatrain's a bit confusing, It feels like an inside joke. I wish it was more accessible to me. Nice images.

Nice and tight.

seems deeply personal. some stuff didn't leave any images in my head. It could be me; probably is me. Here they are anyway: "Died daily from devils in playgrounds" "Half read books became leaves." "bastard of childhood" Not really criticisms...just lines that I had to stop on and think about to no conclusion.

LOL!

you naked/ me vacum cleaner. priceless. entertaining as usual. 8

Maybe I am getting punchy from all the bad stuff, but this beats all so far!

I feared you had lost it for a while, but this is a fine poem. I enjoyed reading most of your stuff. Some got a bit boring, but, this site does not actually invite excellence with open arms, rather the reverse.

The last verse is better now, but look at the grammar and spelling. desecration abound (number disagreement) There are more bodies (There are - not needed) snapping THIER necks.

It's a touching story, especially the last verse. The first verse is hard to decipher.