A good subject for a poem, but as has been pointed out it is rather spoiled by poor construction and dodgy data. Furthermore I would suggest replacing 'thier' with 'their' in the fourth last line.

I am sorry to be such a blatant hanger-on but doubleU's right. I was waiting for you to pick your head up and give a wry verbal retort. I'll bet you can do it and in my opinion it would give this poem the arsekick it deserves. No vote 'til it gets better.

Strangest limerick I've ever read. Pretty dull poem, though.

This has a solid, logical structure. Nothing's happening...and there's no need for. Plenty of low crackling electricity. Dare I call this a good poem? I do

I would have like to see it end with a stronger twist...fun to read. Although I dislike the title, I almost skipped this one.

I wonder where this failed. Did it fail? There's humor in it and a ring of romance but the form's too unrefined for the subject. To be honest; I don't understand it. What's jumping into the lap? A girl? A dog? Fate? A crocodile? And what's with the wires?

I began to crack up at the second stanza. Good Job! Probably not the reaction you where going for

I stumbled over the last three lines a little in verse 1 on my first reading. Maybe "It would be trimmed in" would be easier but it won't kill me if you keep it the way it is. Try omitting the word style in verse 1 and see if it gives it a better flow. I really like the original idea of using the woman's nails to symbolize a unique lifestyle even if I was kinda hoping for a catfight at the end.

It's too long for just being a discription of a man. As fine as all the stanzas are some like the first could be removed. I think your idea may have been to cause sympathy for an unsympathetic character. You come very close to achieving that.

I think this is a very bad poem. It doesn’t hit hard, it hits the spot where the blow’s already been taken. And if it did not affect you, eleven years ago, this poem certainly will not change that. And how is it ‘emotionally involved’? It deals with the Rwanda genocide in a kind of moralistic tone of voice, the ‘we all are guilty’thing, and then, in the commentaries, it’s about sleep and dead and heap, blahblahblah, very abstract, technical, not personal at all – it should have known at least ONE name of a Tutsi family for it to become more then what it is now: simply a flat piece of socalled ‘involved’ poetry. So what’s your next piece about? Bosnia? Darfur? The famine in North Korea? The Cultural Revolution? Iraq, maybe? Kyoto?

Basically this is one big cliche, some regular rhythm would have helped a little. I think in the first line you meant to say, 'is' such a lovely place.

I must admit that I too did not understand what there was to fear here and that the rest elicited very little from me that is worth expressing.

I know the expression is 'in the first place' but 'to begin with' gels better with 'to end it'. I suppose it's a phrasing that sounds weird to you.

The first line is very cliche and the last line is redundant. But the rest of it I found nice with a few very pleasant surprises.

PS. That ain't my vote I dont believe in zeros.

Quite nice images, but as has been said the first line isnt great and the last two words could be dropped, also wht change tense in the last stanza, it would work as well if not better if you stuck to the present I believe.

The first stanza, as a single sentence is grammatically incorrect (incomplete), and because of the 'where were the colour ordinary' bit, doesn't actually make any sense if try to actually understand what it means. From there it is pretty good, but the last three lines are also a bit ugly, they read like some non-native speakers use the language when they have learned all the words but not actually how they are normally used.

While you may be feeling this very strongly, there is little in it that a reader can enjoy, as far as poetry is concerned.

don't you mean 'she moves with him' rather than 'he moves with him' after all you had both he and she earlier in the poem.

oh. unrated.