Re: Youth Spent by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Dovina 69.175.32.185	14-Jun-05/9:52 AM
It has some good lines, but overall it's too mushy for my taste. "love so clean so void of emptiness" seems disingenuous.
regarding some deleted poem...	darby pyn 207.200.116.130	14-Jun-05/9:54 AM
this conjured up images of St George slaying the dragon. I don't know why. well done. 8
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.185	14-Jun-05/10:00 AM
The rhythm moves it along. The : is distracting. The dream is eerie.
Re: Mr. Campbell's final journey by jroday	Dovina 69.175.32.185	14-Jun-05/10:07 AM
Pretty good, this one. A few line edits: Reality's rivers clasped hands troubled soul as he journeys
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	14-Jun-05/10:19 AM
A dilemma. I felt that the 'eddy lisping would not be recognised without the pause-puncts or whatever they're called. This one's inspired by one of the most beautiful LP album covers ever produced. If you care to see it: http://www.mikebatt.de/Discographic/Soloalben/Waves/waves.html
Re: Mr. Campbell's final journey by jroday	Bluemonkey 170.141.68.99	14-Jun-05/10:45 AM
feet are bare, not bear....unless maybe they're really hairy, in which case you might try something like Hobbit feet. So, this guy did something bad enough to get the chair for it and he's going to heaven...I'll never understand Christianity..you get to do whatever you want to do, and as long as you say you're sorry, you still get to go to heaven. YAHOO
Re: Books by sacred_poet_me	Bluemonkey 170.141.68.99	14-Jun-05/10:49 AM
This has been said much better on those posters at the local library that say "Reading Is Super".
Re: Beach Volleyball by lil_evil_boi	Bluemonkey 170.141.68.99	14-Jun-05/10:52 AM
If you're any older that 7 or 8, this is terrible.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	14-Jun-05/12:05 PM
Basically a good idea but treated in the wrong way. First of all, the author should not have to explain the poem is about Atlas. Also, his name could have been interpolated in the text, if you insist. Secondly, the task of carrying the world on his shoulders seems to bore Atlas (it would bore me), and as a result his monologue goes on for too long. Him wondering about where he left his shoes is a nice one.
regarding some deleted poem...	<~> 167.206.181.179	14-Jun-05/1:22 PM
basically, i agree with what DoubleU said. I thin, for what it is, it goes along pretty well, but you build us up and then deflate us with an ending that is much weaker than the rest of the piece.
Re: quick by <~>	<~> 167.206.181.179	14-Jun-05/1:23 PM
this poem was written for a word-list challenge. there was a 30 minute time limit.
regarding some deleted poem...	<~> 167.206.181.179	14-Jun-05/1:28 PM
very nice set-up and well executed.
Re: Mr. Campbell's final journey by jroday	<~> 167.206.181.179	14-Jun-05/1:32 PM
i wonder at the choice of name, especially since the 'realitiies rage' opening conjures up Joseph Campbell and his 'Power of Myth'
Re: Students by Blue Magpie	Dovina 69.175.32.185	14-Jun-05/2:24 PM
I like the first 5 lines. Then it gets too much caught up in form and etherial meaninglessness.
Re: Rock and skin me by Figure 8	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	14-Jun-05/3:18 PM
This made me feel ill...it was repulsive to me, even though I am not entirely sure of what you are portraying here....and I have a feeling I don't want to know. I suspect "eyes"...in, "the camera eyes" means the camera eye IS, if so, it should be: "the camera eye's for all"....so on.
Re: Im different so what? by xblackstarsx	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	14-Jun-05/3:23 PM
I have a motto...don't use puncuation at all or at least try to use it correctly. Why have commas, but no periods? Why have capital letters, but not capitalize I? Kewl? Should one take you seriously? Would a read over before you hit submit be asking too much? (Atleast) This piece is "Lame"...
Re: Faded Passion by Dariana	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	14-Jun-05/3:26 PM
Not too bad...I suspect the period after "to feel" was a typo, meant to be a comma. This didn't really move me, I guess because it sounds/reads like a million others.
Re: untitled by lazuli42	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	14-Jun-05/3:34 PM
I really like this! I do wondered if 'travel' should actually be 'traveled', because you say 'before'. I kind of like that you did not use punctuation, so that there are multiple nuances can be made in the reading of it. I think that that actually may add to this piece, although it wouldn't have hurt anything had you chose to use it, either. I actually gave it a fairly high score, (in my book) because it was clever, and made me stop and pause and reread several times.
Re: The Heros by madjack2	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	14-Jun-05/3:39 PM
I would tell you to work on this a little more. I have a feeling that with some polishing and a few changes in word choice it could be a better piece. The formating is all jumbled. I would like to see 'stronger' language, since this is about strength, heroes, and such.
Re: 13 Pianos (after Wallace Stevens) by jconnors3	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	14-Jun-05/4:02 PM
Several parts could stand, or almost stand, on their own as single pieces. (The last, the second to the last, and the 4th to the last, in particular.) You seem to start in one mode, switch, then get all loose, and then end with an entirely different form. It would be less cumbersome to read if it had more form, or followed a form of some sort, through the entire piece.