It has some good lines, but overall it's too mushy for my taste. "love so clean so void of emptiness" seems disingenuous.

this conjured up images of St George slaying the dragon. I don't know why. well done. 8

The rhythm moves it along. The : is distracting. The dream is eerie.

Pretty good, this one. A few line edits: Reality's rivers clasped hands troubled soul as he journeys

A dilemma. I felt that the 'eddy lisping would not be recognised without the pause-puncts or whatever they're called. This one's inspired by one of the most beautiful LP album covers ever produced. If you care to see it: http://www.mikebatt.de/Discographic/Soloalben/Waves/waves.html

feet are bare, not bear....unless maybe they're really hairy, in which case you might try something like Hobbit feet. So, this guy did something bad enough to get the chair for it and he's going to heaven...I'll never understand Christianity..you get to do whatever you want to do, and as long as you say you're sorry, you still get to go to heaven. YAHOO

This has been said much better on those posters at the local library that say "Reading Is Super".

If you're any older that 7 or 8, this is terrible.

Basically a good idea but treated in the wrong way. First of all, the author should not have to explain the poem is about Atlas. Also, his name could have been interpolated in the text, if you insist. Secondly, the task of carrying the world on his shoulders seems to bore Atlas (it would bore me), and as a result his monologue goes on for too long. Him wondering about where he left his shoes is a nice one.

basically, i agree with what DoubleU said. I thin, for what it is, it goes along pretty well, but you build us up and then deflate us with an ending that is much weaker than the rest of the piece.

this poem was written for a word-list challenge. there was a 30 minute time limit.

very nice set-up and well executed.

i wonder at the choice of name, especially since the 'realitiies rage' opening conjures up Joseph Campbell and his 'Power of Myth'

I like the first 5 lines. Then it gets too much caught up in form and etherial meaninglessness.

Not too bad...I suspect the period after "to feel" was a typo, meant to be a comma. This didn't really move me, I guess because it sounds/reads like a million others.

I really like this! I do wondered if 'travel' should actually be 'traveled', because you say 'before'. I kind of like that you did not use punctuation, so that there are multiple nuances can be made in the reading of it. I think that that actually may add to this piece, although it wouldn't have hurt anything had you chose to use it, either. I actually gave it a fairly high score, (in my book) because it was clever, and made me stop and pause and reread several times.

I would tell you to work on this a little more. I have a feeling that with some polishing and a few changes in word choice it could be a better piece. The formating is all jumbled. I would like to see 'stronger' language, since this is about strength, heroes, and such.

Several parts could stand, or almost stand, on their own as single pieces. (The last, the second to the last, and the 4th to the last, in particular.) You seem to start in one mode, switch, then get all loose, and then end with an entirely different form. It would be less cumbersome to read if it had more form, or followed a form of some sort, through the entire piece.

This made me feel ill...it was repulsive to me, even though I am not entirely sure of what you are portraying here....and I have a feeling I don't want to know. I suspect "eyes"...in, "the camera eyes" means the camera eye IS, if so, it should be: "the camera eye's for all"....so on.

I have a motto...don't use puncuation at all or at least try to use it correctly. Why have commas, but no periods? Why have capital letters, but not capitalize I? Kewl? Should one take you seriously? Would a read over before you hit submit be asking too much? (Atleast) This piece is "Lame"...