Re: Why I Bother by empire942	http://bandgeek 216.195.164.111	15-Jul-05/8:11 PM
I stay awake at night thinking about whey too, when I am not thinking of bulgar or tempeh or grape tomatoes or heartbreak.
Re: Only I wish I could say.. by PunkyPanda	http://bandgeek 216.195.164.111	15-Jul-05/8:14 PM
I didn't see the happy ending coming.
Re: When the World Forgets by TLRufener	http://bandgeek 216.195.164.111	15-Jul-05/8:17 PM
I agree with jessicazee, you talked about a kind of pain, but I couldn't really empathize- even though I imagine it is real, in some respect, for you/your narrator.
Re: Birth, school, work and death. by darby pyn	http://bandgeek 216.195.164.111	15-Jul-05/8:22 PM
The ending lines were like rapid fire- but climatically worthy. Were you disregarding where the line breaks fell? It seems like this would be more poignant if one didn't have to scroll around to read the lines, and if the line breaks were placed strategically.
regarding some deleted poem...	http://bandgeek 216.195.164.111	15-Jul-05/8:32 PM
I have totally been there! You really captured the way that images refuse to allow us to lapse into forgetfulness, forgiveness, and healing. Ruthless is misspelled (unless that is some alternant spelling), and you might want an apostrophe for "truths".
regarding some deleted poem...	http://bandgeek 216.195.164.111	15-Jul-05/8:35 PM
I am sorry to say but "soft flowing hair" is about as cliche as a shampoo commercial. How about some substance here, why else would your narrator care to mention her hair?
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 66.235.60.64	16-Jul-05/7:02 AM
How can imagery be unimaginable? If you imagine it, it is imagery. I think a comma after truths would help. Still I see what you mean and tha last line is good.
Re: Let the Healing Begin by http://bandgeek	Dovina 66.235.60.64	16-Jul-05/7:08 AM
Talk about a rut! And pretty well told.
Re: the smallest box will do by elderking	Dovina 66.235.60.64	16-Jul-05/7:11 AM
Smll package. Don't they seem trivial after awhile? Movin' on is what it's about. Good.
Re: Let the Healing Begin by http://bandgeek	darby pyn 207.200.116.130	16-Jul-05/10:29 AM
well done. very profound and vivid.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	17-Jul-05/6:34 AM
I'm interested to know why you prefered not to break your lines at the rhymes. Your poem has also been marred by the infamous double "the" in the last verse. Nice work though.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	17-Jul-05/6:53 AM
"by the lake" sounds too rural and so it kinda throws off the city setting. Try something like "lakeside". City folk tend to be short on words. Save the last verse for some other poem. You'll find a better ending for this one sooner or later. The first two verses are great.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	17-Jul-05/7:13 AM
Just "nape". "Of the neck" is redundant. Nape means the back of the neck. Very elaborate poem for having been written with one hand. Here's a -9- you randy rascal you.
Re: A Good Man Ruined by Dovina	Blindpoetry 68.111.56.213	17-Jul-05/10:43 PM
kind[of] like a poet woot.
Re: Low Tide by somemorepoetry	Dovina 66.235.60.64	18-Jul-05/6:12 AM
The first 2 verses are good, then it wanders like a beach comber.
Re: Distracted by pletcgm	Dovina 66.235.60.64	18-Jul-05/6:13 AM
Starts off well enough, but is too simply said toward the end.
Re: she sits back and judges me by hendrimike	Dovina 66.235.60.64	18-Jul-05/6:15 AM
an angry rant, nothing more.
Re: Oh this little mouse, love by cpill	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	18-Jul-05/1:49 PM
quite s/b quiet Its s/b It's "playful wrestles a glance and and geez alright" - are the two "and"s intentional? As with a few of your other poems, I like where you ended up, but not necessarily how you got there - or maybe it's the other way around; I can't tell.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	18-Jul-05/1:55 PM
"of my neck" is a line that pulls me out - an earlier post critiqued by saying it was redundant but I don't really agree with that. I'd throw a verb in place of the preposition (even something simple like "touch" or "pull"). Stanza four has to go, it is entirely too full of obvious inuendo and bad puns (metaphor is not the same as "wink wink, nudge nudge") smoldering used one too many times (maybe twice too many?). A polishing of this will easily get me to hit a nine.
regarding some deleted poem...	tisa7 205.188.116.139	18-Jul-05/4:14 PM
i dont care what anyone says because this is not for you to care about