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Only I wish I could say.. (Free verse) by PunkyPanda
I can't go on without you, I'm too weak. I can't say those words to you, they're too hard to speak. Am I that good at hiding the secret, the one between two friends? The friends you said we'd be until the very end? It's time for me to come outwith it, but I don't think I can. I'm afraid of losing our friendship, I, which you will ban My breath's getting shorter, faster beats my chest. I come out with "I" but I can't say the rest. Your eyes grow weary, you put your arm around me. I look in your eyes, and suddenly I can see. That what I want to say to you, you want to say to me. I finally say "love" and the whole world slows down. the last word, I need say, before in my fears I drown. "You" there, it's out, I can breath, I can feel my heart again. Will we still be friends 'till the very end? I look at you once more in your eyes so blue, Then I hear the sweetest words ever, "I love you too"

Up the ladder: Diary of sorrow....
Down the ladder: Skin Deep Sun

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 1.75
Weighted score: 4.6125903
Overall Rank: 12468
Posted: May 24, 2004 9:58 AM PDT; Last modified: July 12, 2005 11:29 PM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] PunkyPanda @ 65.125.114.157 | 24-May-04/10:01 AM | Reply
Yeah,this is about a friend and what I wish would have happened when I told him I liked him.
[10] zodiac @ 152.18.130.224 | 24-May-04/10:50 AM | Reply
Oh my!
[5] sliver @ 63.190.81.32 | 24-May-04/9:10 PM | Reply
the third stanza is um, no bueno, si? other than that, probably a 6 or 7.
[n/a] PunkyPanda @ 65.125.114.157 | 27-May-04/9:54 AM | Reply
Yeah, by the 3rd stanza I was tired and just really didin't put much effort into it,Lol. Thanks for the comment though!
[10] nothingtoanyone @ 65.179.137.73 | 27-May-04/10:11 PM | Reply
Hello my Yello Jell-o just to let you know I'm right here for you and dont let a guy get you down.

love always your friend,
A. Person
[1] LilMsLadyPoet @ 64.12.116.135 | 13-Jul-05/3:03 PM | Reply
I am thinking you are young...keep writing, this is sweet and a look into young-ness. I give you credit for correct spelling...not one mistake! (which is more than I can say about a lot of people who post! (Other than> 'outwith'...but I figured a typo!) You got too wordy in places> 'before in my fears I drown.'& 'I, which you will ban'. My advise is to write as you speak, as you hear it said in your head...let it just flow as-is, then clean it up and work on anything that doesn't work.
[5] http://bandgeek @ 216.195.164.111 | 15-Jul-05/8:14 PM | Reply
I didn't see the happy ending coming.
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