regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	14-Aug-05/9:16 AM
Great stuff but the “Loser, loser, loser.” line could have been infinately better if it hadn't veered from the theme of Trojens so much.
Re: Parody Of Sadness by Miggy	that_funny_girl 152.163.100.135	14-Aug-05/11:38 AM
I liked some of the verses alot, some of them were really really good, but then others just didnt sound that great, or didn't make much sense
Re: The Box by PsydewaysTears	that_funny_girl 152.163.100.135	14-Aug-05/11:42 AM
it has a really great rhythm its pleasing to read but it doesnt make much sense
Re: Shadow by TLRufener	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	14-Aug-05/12:35 PM
Them and they are OK as long as the person is unspecified. Especially in reference to an unknown gender. "Him or her" becomes replaced by "them" until the sex is identified. "Him or her" is the formal and best way to say it. "They" is informal and frowned on by english teachers but is used often in common speach. You do use the forms of they a little too often in this poem though, when in some places you could omit it entirely and still make the point. Or you could just change "Someone creeps" to "They creep" all though that would give you another they. Ah hell. just change the title to "Them" too. I liked the story though.
Re: Stream of Consciousness (#1) by Enkidu	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	14-Aug-05/1:11 PM
Without a definitive title stream of consciousness poems are pointless in my opinion. Do a psychological evaluation of the poem and then title it. Otherwise it's just babbling.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	14-Aug-05/1:23 PM
A good love poem but "This weaving together of art Connected by choice words Rhetoric yet to be experienced" seems a little outside the theme.
Re: I'm too friggin' rich to even title this poem by T. Jonathron Remp	Bethy 24.222.32.190	14-Aug-05/2:17 PM
Money money money money!!!! but Jon you gotta send some of that cash to the little children...K... Bethy :)
Re: Forever by my side by RGSsparky	Bethy 24.222.32.211	14-Aug-05/2:22 PM
Good thoughts...words Sparky...emotional...Bethy :)
Re: The cat who would fly by nentwined	Bethy 24.222.32.211	14-Aug-05/2:24 PM
MEOW !!! good one...Bethy:)
Re: I'm too friggin' rich to even title this poem by T. Jonathron Remp	Dental Panic 84.31.86.195	15-Aug-05/4:52 AM
Just saw the movie - good fun.
regarding some deleted poem...	Sasha 68.49.8.49	15-Aug-05/10:03 AM
Your sincerity has not saved this poem. It is riddled with lines that belong more on a motivational poster than in a poem. A poem needs to have words chosen and arranged with some art, and some power. You are relying on the emotion of your divorce to have the impact and leaving the words dead on the page. Instead of simply expressing whatever feelings flow through your head, try to sublimate those feelings into novel wordings and phrasings that really capture your feelings not with meaning but with effect.
Re: Hiding by x babie alison x	Sasha 68.49.8.49	15-Aug-05/10:10 AM
This is more prose than poetry. Although it sounded pretty cool when I had my friend read it with a Pakistani accent while I was stoned out of my mind.
regarding some deleted poem...	Sasha 68.49.8.49	15-Aug-05/10:12 AM
You are hurting
Re: Let Go by nicole081083	Sasha 68.49.8.49	15-Aug-05/10:13 AM
This poem is dead on the page, give it some life, something worth reading.
Re: Home by Bethy	Sasha 68.49.8.49	15-Aug-05/12:53 PM
Better.
Re: untitled by nicole081083	Bethy 24.222.32.196	15-Aug-05/12:55 PM
good job Nicole...:) Bethy
Re: Secret Dream-Thoughts of a Married Man by Bethy	Sasha 68.49.8.49	15-Aug-05/12:58 PM
I'm not sure the jagged metrics work for this poem. Excellent use of everlast as a verb (or possibly a noun)
Re: Let Go by nicole081083	Bethy 24.222.32.196	15-Aug-05/12:59 PM
Truthful song!!! would love to hear it set to music...sad and yet uplifting...just knowing there is...someone...there with you...I totlally get your meaning...Been there... :) :) Bethy
Re: Greyhound Bus by Sunshine Conkey	Bethy 24.222.32.196	15-Aug-05/1:02 PM
fun poem :) Bethy
regarding some deleted poem...	Bethy 24.222.32.196	15-Aug-05/1:05 PM
your rhyming struture of the first and last part of your poem seem to stagger...but it is a neat look at the past...:) Bethy