Just saw the movie - good fun.

A good love poem but "This weaving together of art Connected by choice words Rhetoric yet to be experienced" seems a little outside the theme.

Money money money money!!!! but Jon you gotta send some of that cash to the little children...K... Bethy :)

I liked some of the verses alot, some of them were really really good, but then others just didnt sound that great, or didn't make much sense

it has a really great rhythm its pleasing to read but it doesnt make much sense

Great stuff but the “Loser, loser, loser.” line could have been infinately better if it hadn't veered from the theme of Trojens so much.

Them and they are OK as long as the person is unspecified. Especially in reference to an unknown gender. "Him or her" becomes replaced by "them" until the sex is identified. "Him or her" is the formal and best way to say it. "They" is informal and frowned on by english teachers but is used often in common speach. You do use the forms of they a little too often in this poem though, when in some places you could omit it entirely and still make the point. Or you could just change "Someone creeps" to "They creep" all though that would give you another they. Ah hell. just change the title to "Them" too. I liked the story though.

Without a definitive title stream of consciousness poems are pointless in my opinion. Do a psychological evaluation of the poem and then title it. Otherwise it's just babbling.

Your sincerity has not saved this poem. It is riddled with lines that belong more on a motivational poster than in a poem. A poem needs to have words chosen and arranged with some art, and some power. You are relying on the emotion of your divorce to have the impact and leaving the words dead on the page. Instead of simply expressing whatever feelings flow through your head, try to sublimate those feelings into novel wordings and phrasings that really capture your feelings not with meaning but with effect.

fun poem :) Bethy

your rhyming struture of the first and last part of your poem seem to stagger...but it is a neat look at the past...:) Bethy

Good thoughts...words Sparky...emotional...Bethy :)

MEOW !!! good one...Bethy:)

This is more prose than poetry. Although it sounded pretty cool when I had my friend read it with a Pakistani accent while I was stoned out of my mind.

You are hurting

This poem is dead on the page, give it some life, something worth reading.

Better.

good job Nicole...:) Bethy

I'm not sure the jagged metrics work for this poem. Excellent use of everlast as a verb (or possibly a noun)

Truthful song!!! would love to hear it set to music...sad and yet uplifting...just knowing there is...someone...there with you...I totlally get your meaning...Been there... :) :) Bethy