| Re: Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina |
zodiac 217.144.7.195 |
8-Nov-05/6:11 AM |
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Not your best. I suggest you seem to know a lot about how poets think and act while simultaneously holding the belief that poetry is not something requiring training, effort, or skill while simultaneously writing crap poetry about it.
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| Re: I LOVE A PROSTITUTE by Bhaskaryya |
zodiac 217.144.7.195 |
8-Nov-05/6:22 AM |
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1) You can't love someone by wanting to return her innocence and respect. That means you love someone with innocence and respect who she is not - yet.
2) You can be pretty sure she doesn't love you. Or even feel you, technically.
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| Re: Farm animals by INTRANSIT |
Caducus 172.212.241.153 |
8-Nov-05/6:47 AM |
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Check you out with your gift of ghazal sheesh this i sgood - love the image on the butcher.
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| Re: "46 million babies a year" by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
Caducus 172.212.241.153 |
8-Nov-05/6:54 AM |
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Edward Longshanks once said of the scottish cad william wallace
"A man does himself good business when he rids himself of a turd"
Vintage.
Love the bit about the coward and a brush. What is the inspiration behind your poemes of poo?
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| Re: The Embrowning by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
Caducus 172.212.241.153 |
8-Nov-05/6:55 AM |
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| Re: The Other by Caducus |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
8-Nov-05/11:30 AM |
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The last verse is especially nice. Low skirt, at arms length, closer now.
The tortise image is hard to imagine, but the rest of Verse 1 makes the scene clear.
Verse 3 seems contorted as if Line 4 should be Line 2.
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| Re: Alone With Memories by Mona Lisa |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
8-Nov-05/2:30 PM |
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Why did he go into the bathroom grey? And why the British spelling of gray? Wasn't this in the morning? In evening he might be gray with dirt.
"had heard" could be just heard.
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| Re: I LOVE A PROSTITUTE by Bhaskaryya |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
8-Nov-05/2:48 PM |
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Yeah, love the unlovable and thumb your nose at those who sneer. Then take her, as in the last line, and drive far away.
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| Re: Alone With Memories by Mona Lisa |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
8-Nov-05/3:25 PM |
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| Re: Forgive Me by TLRufener |
cyan9 217.40.63.105 |
9-Nov-05/5:56 AM |
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Shows the humility and neediness of a prayer for assistance with simplicity and accuracy.
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| Re: Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina |
Bhaskaryya 202.63.190.227 |
9-Nov-05/6:49 AM |
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Why hold a candle in a bright blue day? Anyway, this was light-hearted and funny. A great read!
I loved the 3rd and 4th stanzas especially!
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| Re: Sleep by ALChemy |
Bhaskaryya 202.63.190.227 |
9-Nov-05/6:56 AM |
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The poem ofcourse is great but you've used 10+ syllables in a few line. Don't they break out of the pentameter?
And just couldn't resist nitpicking on this bit of a comment by you.
"actually excepted as a word"
Isn't that supposed to be 'accepted'?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
zodiac 217.144.7.195 |
9-Nov-05/7:24 AM |
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I'd like to think the title was intentional, like Joey on Friends going, How youu douuin'?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
zodiac 217.144.7.195 |
9-Nov-05/7:26 AM |
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Getting better. But seriously, do you have NO 21st century images to draw on?
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| Re: Forgive Me by TLRufener |
zodiac 217.144.7.195 |
9-Nov-05/7:28 AM |
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You are here because someone told you you need to ask forgiveness for practically everything you do. Now that you have an answer, I hope you'll consider getting off your knees and going outside.
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| Re: Forgive Me by TLRufener |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
9-Nov-05/8:02 AM |
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Answer:
"Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me..."
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
9-Nov-05/8:14 AM |
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It's all about gettin' pussy for you isn't it?
Let me know if it works, I'll steal it. -9-
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| Re: Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina |
INTRANSIT 12.153.25.130 |
9-Nov-05/2:41 PM |
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I like it , except that, alert and plum seems redundant within the line.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Blindpoetry 70.172.225.193 |
9-Nov-05/7:44 PM |
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wait.wait.wait.wait.wait.
this isn't my batman mug.
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| Re: Mandarin Trial by cyan9 |
Blindpoetry 70.172.225.193 |
9-Nov-05/7:48 PM |
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It was nice.
line 6: A[n] irridescent...
third stanza looks out of place with the repeated phrase: I lay back into the sheets...
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