INTRANSIT
on Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina
9 Nov 2005, 2:41 PM
I like it , except that, alert and plum seems redundant within the line.
Why did he go into the bathroom grey? And why the British spelling of gray? Wasn't this in the morning? In evening he might be gray with dirt.
"had heard" could be just heard.
Check you out with your gift of ghazal sheesh this i sgood - love the image on the butcher.
Not your best. I suggest you seem to know a lot about how poets think and act while simultaneously holding the belief that poetry is not something requiring training, effort, or skill while simultaneously writing crap poetry about it.
1) You can't love someone by wanting to return her innocence and respect. That means you love someone with innocence and respect who she is not - yet.
2) You can be pretty sure she doesn't love you. Or even feel you, technically.
Edward Longshanks once said of the scottish cad william wallace
"A man does himself good business when he rids himself of a turd"
Vintage.
Love the bit about the coward and a brush. What is the inspiration behind your poemes of poo?
bowel moving
Is this you? http://www.rame.net/aarle/pics/MonaLisa.
Shows the humility and neediness of a prayer for assistance with simplicity and accuracy.
I'd like to think the title was intentional, like Joey on Friends going, How youu douuin'?
Getting better. But seriously, do you have NO 21st century images to draw on?
You are here because someone told you you need to ask forgiveness for practically everything you do. Now that you have an answer, I hope you'll consider getting off your knees and going outside.
Answer:
"Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me..."
It's all about gettin' pussy for you isn't it?
Let me know if it works, I'll steal it. -9-
Yeah, love the unlovable and thumb your nose at those who sneer. Then take her, as in the last line, and drive far away.
Why hold a candle in a bright blue day? Anyway, this was light-hearted and funny. A great read!
I loved the 3rd and 4th stanzas especially!
The poem ofcourse is great but you've used 10+ syllables in a few line. Don't they break out of the pentameter?
And just couldn't resist nitpicking on this bit of a comment by you.
"actually excepted as a word"
Isn't that supposed to be 'accepted'?
wait.wait.wait.wait.wait.
this isn't my batman mug.
It was nice.
line 6: A[n] irridescent...
third stanza looks out of place with the repeated phrase: I lay back into the sheets...