Re: Blackout, Amman, November, 2005 by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	18-Nov-05/10:08 AM
First: Does that ability to echoe word sounds, not rhyme but echoe certain qualities in words together come naturally or is it more of a hair pulling event. Because this one comes out so damn natural. Second: Love how you snuck "bore" in. Third: I bet you're leaning towards the bug being Jesus. I was. Forth: There's a current political spin to this one, intended or not. I could spend all day peeling back layers of this poem. A sign of a great artwork. You really shouldn't give some of these away for free.
Re: Ballad for a bad Irish accent by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	18-Nov-05/10:35 AM
You probably won't see this but this is like a blend of two of my favorite poets. E.A. Poe and Benny Hill. Kilkenny? Southpark? The poem's a classic or should be.
Re: dit da haiku by nentwined	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	18-Nov-05/11:19 AM
I'd like to know what you honestly think of your poem.
Re: Gerry's Song by ALChemy	Dovina 69.225.179.162	18-Nov-05/5:03 PM
I say this only because poemranker has corrupted me: "Sounds gay."
Re: Blackout, Amman, November, 2005 by zodiac	Dovina 69.225.179.162	18-Nov-05/5:18 PM
I like the cousinship of man and devil, the take on the swine and Legion, mosquitoe/bug, Legion/prophet, and the waiting cross. The () seem distracting and could be done without I think.
Re: soon i will travel by ay deee	Dovina 69.225.179.162	18-Nov-05/5:19 PM
Good, except for the mundane last line.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.225.179.162	18-Nov-05/5:20 PM
A cute dog-lovers poem. I'd like to see it with a punch line near the end.
Re: A daisy chain for Nina by Caducus	Dovina 69.225.179.162	18-Nov-05/5:26 PM
If she married you in 82, why are you, as man, a widow in 83? Lesbians, or do you mean widower?
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.19.155	18-Nov-05/10:11 PM
Calls to mind Wordsworth, maybe Byron. Seriously.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.19.155	18-Nov-05/10:12 PM
Good writing, but nothing new. All of these rhymes have been used in other poems about fairies.
Re: Gerry's Song by ALChemy	zodiac 212.118.19.155	18-Nov-05/10:15 PM
Nice. The second-to-last line tripped me up, but for a poem meant to be read in the accent of Groundskeeper Willie, that's no biggie.
Re: soon i will travel by ay deee	zodiac 212.118.19.155	18-Nov-05/10:16 PM
Agreed.
Re: A daisy chain for Nina by Caducus	zodiac 212.118.19.155	18-Nov-05/10:30 PM
Here is a story I never told you. Living in a rented house on South University in Ann Arbor, long before we met, I found bundled letters in the attic room where I took myself to work. A young woman tenant of the attic wrote these letters to her lover who had died in a plane crash. In my thirtieth year with tenure and a new book coming out, I read the letters in puzzlement. She is writing these letters to somebody dead? There is one good thing about April. Everyday, Gus and I take a walk in the graveyard. I am the one who doesn’t piss on your stone. Oh, winter when snow and ice kept me away. I worried that you missed me. Perkins, where the hell are you? In hell; Everyday, I play in repertoire the same script without you, without love, without audience except for Gus who waits attentive for cues like a walk, a biscuit, bedtime. The year of days without you in your body swept by as quick as an afternoon. But, each afternoon took a year. At first, and most outright, I daydreamed about burning the house, kerosene and pie plates with a candle lit in the middle. I locked myself in your study with Gus, Ada and the rifle my father gave me at twelve. I killed our cat and our dog and swallowed a bottle of pills knowing that if I woke up on fire, I had the gun. After you died, I stopped rereading history. I took up Cormick McCarthy for the rage and murder. Now, I return to Gibbon, secure in his reasonable civilization, he exercises detachment as Barbarians skewer Romans. Then, Huns galloped from the sunrise wearing skulls. What’s new? I see more people now. In March, I took Kate and Mary to Pierre’s. At the end of the month, ice dropped to the pond’s bottom and water flashed and flowed through pines in Western light. The year melted into April and I lived through the hour we learned last year that you would die. For the next ten days, my mind sat by our bed again as you diminished cell by cell. Last week, the goldfinches flew back for a second spring. Again, I witnessed snowdrops worry from dead leaves into air. Now, your hillside daffodils edge up and today, it is a year since we set you down at the border of the graveyard on a breezy April day. We stood in a circle around the coffin and its hole under pines and birches to lower you into the glacial sand. When I dream, sometimes your hair is long and we make love like we used to. One nap time, I saw your face at eighty with many lines, more flesh, the good bones distinct. It is astonishing to be old. When I stand after sitting, I am shocked at how I must stretch to ease the stiffness out. When we first spoke of marriage, we dismissed the notion because you would be a widow twenty-five years or maybe I would not be able to make love while desire still flared in you. Sometimes now, I feel crazy with desire again as if I were forty, drinking and just divorced. Ruth Houghton had a stroke. Our daughter sent me the album of the photographs Roger took in his documentary “Passion”. Inside and outside our house, every room, every corner, one day in September 1984, I howled as I gazed at that day intact. Our furniture looked out of place as if vandals had shoved everything awry. There were pictures on the walls we put away long ago. The kitchen wallpaper shone bright red in Roger’s kodacolor. It faded as we watched, not seeing it fade. - Donald Hall, about Jane Kenyon
Re: i remembered by skaskowski	zodiac 212.118.19.155	18-Nov-05/10:32 PM
No comma after "greed"; no period after "plight"; no comma after "cry"; comma rather than period after "try". Oddly good.
Re: rubble rooster by FreeFormFixation	zodiac 212.118.19.155	18-Nov-05/10:37 PM
Tread along, tread along, tread along, yeah. You're like a stick of macaroni in bed. Eat the ritual food, my friend, So that your macaroni will be steady in bed. Bling-blabling-bling-bling! - Bunny Wailer
Re: Gerry's Song by ALChemy	zodiac 212.118.19.155	18-Nov-05/11:10 PM
PS-I'm glad you're posting. I was afraid we'd scared you off it.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.225.179.162	19-Nov-05/8:11 AM
An antiquated feel to it, in rhythm and rhyme. I like to think poetry has more potential than titilation of the ear, that it can do that while stimulating thought.
Re: soon i will travel by ay deee	cyan9 84.12.150.59	19-Nov-05/4:04 PM
Had to rate this lowly, you've shot yourself in the foot, the fingers, the face and the butt with that last line.
Re: Math Poem 4 by Dovina	cyan9 84.12.150.59	19-Nov-05/4:09 PM
I don't want to cause offence, but this does suck.
Re: Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina	cyan9 84.12.150.59	19-Nov-05/4:14 PM
Excellent as this is, I still cant believe you tried to criticise me for writing something from LaLa land. The Salivating line and the concept of the piece are excellent, making for pleasurable, surreal, (though not bizarre) reading.