cyan9
on Love letter by zodiac
18 Nov 2005, 3:57 AM
Tight.
Ouch this is good. I have ignored this on random a few times due to its length; but after reading one of your shorter pieces, I thought there would be good reason to dive in. This is Epic and certainly beyond the ability of the bulk of online poets that I have come across.
I cant vote here for something that I just dont understand. This could be pure genius or feculent drivel, I have no idea. An explanation would get you at least another vote from me.
I wish you had not deleted some fifty comments.
Question: Do you believe that if she is in heaven alone, she's unhappy from loneliness?
Interesting for a poem to go as deep into cybernetics as Lisp programming. The arguement is well put, however the flow has been sacrificed for this (in comparison to your previous work). Also I find that the computing terms you use are not particularly colorful (being computing terms) especially in comparison to some of the more heart ridden moments; putting across a better argument; but a less welcoming poem.
I see no point in shrouding a thing like this. In allowing several ingterpretations, you do what I do, and incur the consternation of me. maybe you meant something particuar, maybe nebulosity. It seems to me that a poem should at least purport something, not paint lines pointing in all directions. It's ok if readers find other meanings, but some meaning should stand our like a basket of fruit or a tree.
Much as we have been arguing on my work, I thought it reasonable to have a look at some of yours and put a few damming comments down there; however, I am pleasantly surprised by the flow and imagery, each word is simple, yet their combination is elegant and shows shapely structure. Underated, with a message delivered well in the last two lines.
The short lived but sweet taste of revenge, well put.
Is it just for him or all of us hardware men?
You carried that metaphor all the way through like a tightrope walker. Do the 4 attitudes have different screen names? If so dare I ask for their names so I can read their poetry too. Call me a silly romantic but I really can't help but think of it as a love poem.
You inspired another little poem out of me:
It came to me one cold winters day
to take the egg out of Dovina and make DNA.
It may just be because think I actually get all of this one that I feel giddy enough to give you -10-.
Sweet. You drew me in with the porno title. Like I said it's sweet but would be infinately more heartwrenching and complex if she had cheated on you with Stuart Barr and then committed suicide.
If it's a true story than I apologize profusely.
Starts with a view that hints of compassion (by putting yourself in the bombers shoes), and ends in darkness. Cleverly played, I cannot say I like the structure, form or flow; however the content/concept I believe to be excellently conceived, I hope this image was deliberate.
I seem to hear this to the music of "Hey, hey Paula".
I see the initial story but can't help but wonder if you haven't deeply hidden one your sly metaphors into the body of this poem.
The last line is about the closest thing to a jingle I've ever seen you post. Which gives me the feeling that the dash out the door has happened more than once.
That's all I got for you so far.
or they get 100 virgins but the catch is they must stay that way.
Where is #1 in the series?