Re: Muff by Stephen Robins	wilco 24.92.74.122	21-Mar-06/7:39 PM
"I swear I saw an ewok, Grinning between your legs," is the funniest thing I've ever heard. 8 - just for that.
Re: REM Sleep by mystic enoch	god'swife 71.103.98.44	21-Mar-06/7:39 PM
Tell me WHAT you dreamed, not how you felt about it. The poetry is in the details. Feelings alone are boring. If i see aperson crying I might feel sympathy for their sadness but I can't feel empathy or relate to their experience intil they tell me WHAT happened. For the last year or so the only things I can even journal about are dreams. I have no conscious creativity anymore. But my dreams are filled with myth and imagery. Like you my dreams have helped to heal me, but when I write a poem about it I tell what happened in the dream (See Signal of Goodbye http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=73336 )and I let the reader deduce what the dream's message means.
Re: Life Is Like A Rose by x0lovelylarnx0	wilco 24.92.74.122	21-Mar-06/7:42 PM
Good thoughts, but it's all been said before and in a much better way. Try looking for new ways to express your thoughts. Instead of just letting it flow onto the page, think about the line and think how you can say it in a different way.
Re: The Right Call by Dovina	wilco 24.92.74.122	21-Mar-06/7:44 PM
mmmm...okay.
Re: The Right Call by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	22-Mar-06/2:51 AM
Made me think of the 'Genie' case - am I on the right lines?
Re: Life Is Like A Rose by x0lovelylarnx0	Ranger 62.252.32.15	22-Mar-06/2:57 AM
Yes, Dovina and wilco are spot on, I think. This is excellent material as a draft or as ideas on a page but they'll take work to bring together. Every poet has written about a rose at sometime or another - but it's as good a place as any to start. The first line is really nice, so build on it!
Re: Squalid by Caducus	Caducus 80.168.238.75	22-Mar-06/8:07 AM
comments deleted as it was a totally different poem to the one above. yawn
Re: The Right Call by Dovina	Caducus 80.168.238.75	22-Mar-06/8:10 AM
you always find an apt and fittin gend to your work and i like that style about you. I think the repetition of *the* hurts the poem though
Re: Sea Words by ecargo	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.6	22-Mar-06/9:13 AM
Surfs up!
Re: The Right Call by Dovina	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.6	22-Mar-06/9:16 AM
Oh the way kids play adults against one another. Sickos.
Re: The Right Call by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	22-Mar-06/9:34 AM
Are you a mommy? I think you'd make a cool mom.
Re: Outside the Perfection, Into the Yellow by Sunny	ecargo 167.219.88.140	22-Mar-06/10:11 AM
Hey Sunny--this is really good. Nice sounds, strong images, good flow from stanza to stanza. "cuts off wind from the sky, and the sky itself. A sour smell/glass door, raw and white"--this is great. Suggest losing the ellipses (everywhere) and dropping the "so white"--don't think it adds anything to the line. Also sugg: dropping "all" in the "Outside, spring (should be lowercased) has conquered--it's just a filler word. I think your next stanza's probably the weakest--you don't connect it to the rest. Love the details in the last two stanzas and the ending (still in the dentist's chair?) Good stuff. Welcome.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 17.255.240.138	22-Mar-06/10:34 AM
Your poems are often so filled with allusions that I don't know, or metaphors that I don't get, that I feel left out. This one lets just enough of the simpler life seep through. It speaks to me. But even I think that (only feels) can be dropped.
Re: Sea Words by ecargo	Dovina 17.255.240.138	22-Mar-06/10:37 AM
Great description. Could be the opening of an epic novel or the spoken intro to a wide-screen classic. But as a poem, I look for metaphor and meaning; maybe I missed it.
Re: Butterfly Belly, Orchid Face by Sunny	Dovina 17.255.240.138	22-Mar-06/10:47 AM
A love poem that I actually love. "you that see exaggerated reality, must be kissed by love" - great. The first verse could lose the () for a preposition with better flow, I think. Welcome to Poemranker!
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	22-Mar-06/5:57 PM
Nice. Drop "His name is" from the last stanza, you don't need it.
Re: Butterfly Belly, Orchid Face by Sunny	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/9:13 PM
I think you should drop the entire first tri-whateveryoucallit. Like a pregnant women's. That is love... Drop sun at the end of stanza 3, or drop yellow. In the 4th stanza, why is there a ; after cold? The next line reads like the beginning of a new thought. I can't see how it ties in with London's smog head cold. It ends beautifully.
Re: Outside the Perfection, Into the Yellow by Sunny	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/9:17 PM
The ending kills this otherwise impressive poem. It's like watching two hours of a movie just to find in the end it was merely a dream, haha. Is it the sun that winces or you? There are some wonderful fresh images here, very original. Overall this poem is perfectly lovely.
Re: Sea Words by ecargo	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/9:23 PM
Sweet and round. Sweet and round. This poem actually called up the ocean-front for me. I can hear the gulls squawking.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 71.103.98.44	22-Mar-06/9:34 PM
Nice first stanza change something to the one thing or better yet call the thing the Harvester: ... ... At the harvester harvesting the grains of his grief. Get rid of the parentheticals at the end of stanza 2. No one is two seperate words. Everyone knocks sentimentality, but it works well here. The protaganist is solid enough to anchor the sentiment.