| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Life Is Like A Rose (Free verse) by x0lovelylarnx0 Life is like a rose budding on a Sunday morning
Life could end at any moment so live life to the fullest
Life is all about taking chances
But sometimes it's cut too short
The power of a mighty storm killed hundreds
Fatal car accidents break young teen's parents hearts
Always forgive even if it's hard
Life is beautiful and mysterious
We never know what could come our way next
Always try your hardest to do your best
School work is a block in the road to having fun
But school is one of the most important things if you want to be
something when you grow up
First and only first is where God comes
He created your life and he knows when it ends
Never forget that you alone have your own purpose
Life is like a rose budding on a Sunday morning
Up the ladder:
What's my favorite scar.
Down the ladder:
Should A Ramble Make Sense?
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.4
Posted: March 21, 2006 5:47 PM PST; Last modified: March 21, 2006 5:47 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.809275 Overall Rank: 11014 Comments:
[5]
Dovina @ 70.38.78.229
|
21-Mar-06/6:53 PM
|
Reply
These are good thoughts, but not very well formed in the language of poetry. Try starting with Line 5, then 6. Line 7 seem parenthetic, and could be scatched in this poem, used in another. Next, Line 3, 4, 2. Just some ideas.
Good thoughts, but it's all been said before and in a much better way. Try looking for new ways to express your thoughts. Instead of just letting it flow onto the page, think about the line and think how you can say it in a different way.
Yes, Dovina and wilco are spot on, I think. This is excellent material as a draft or as ideas on a page but they'll take work to bring together. Every poet has written about a rose at sometime or another - but it's as good a place as any to start. The first line is really nice, so build on it!
You already are something, you don't need to grow-up for that. Quite the contrary; most folks forget who they are when they enter the world of grownuppedness.
teen's parents hearts. Doesn't that sound awful to you? Young teen's is redundant. If you mean what you write then that line is saying kids who are in the lower teens(13, 14) excluding the older teens(18,19). Is that what you meant to come across? Don't preach in poetry. That too, is redundant. Again at the end you say ...you alone have your own purpose. That statement logically concludes that no one else in the world has their own purpose, only whoever happens to be reading your poem. Write what you mean. It's the first step. Read your writing carefully. The message in your poem is true enough, that's very good. But you should practice different ways of expressing things. 'Live life to the fullest' is not only cliche but, more relevantly, it's extremely vague. What gauge is used to measure how full or empty a life has been lived?
god? ... god!
245 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
