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Muff (Free verse) by Stephen Robins
My eyes start to water, And soon they begin to smart, You've entered the room, To the roar of a fanny fart. Like a couple of clapping seals, In taste, composition and aroma, Your worst case of front bum wind, Puts me in a coma. Your flaps have the suction, Of a welly full of tripe, Squelching like a gay man, Sucking off Michael Stipe. I swear I saw an ewok, Grinning between your legs, Belching loudly with a smell Like he'd been eating eggs.

Down the ladder: Tough

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.5384617
Weighted score: 6.855764
Overall Rank: 299
Posted: March 20, 2006 8:00 AM PST; Last modified: March 20, 2006 8:00 AM PST
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[8] Ranger @ | 20-Mar-06/8:19 AM | Reply
'I swear I saw an ewok grinning between your legs' is one of the funniest things I have ever read on this site! *snigger*
[9] Caducus @ | 21-Mar-06/2:53 AM | Reply
Fucking disgusting but i'm guilty of laughing.

[n/a] Stephen Robins @ > Caducus | 21-Mar-06/4:30 AM | Reply
That comment could be applied to any of my "poetry".
[8] Ranger @ > Stephen Robins | 21-Mar-06/7:16 AM | Reply
I must protest. 'Ben Fogle' was a respectably splendid endorsement of a national hero.
[n/a] Stephen Robins @ > Ranger | 21-Mar-06/7:53 AM | Reply
Ben Fogle is indeed deserving of a lexcion of praise. I can not think of a pleasant adjective that would look out of place in front of his name:

Valiant Ben Fogle
Blissful Ben Fogle
Brave Ben Fogle
Gleaming Ben Fogle
Dewy eyed Ben Fogle

Whereas the inverse is true of John Craven:

Nasty John Craven
Withered John Craven
Predatory John Craven
Drug-crazed John Craven

And as for that whoare Kate Humble:

No-gag-reflex Kate Humble
Gobby Kate Humble
Leaking Kate Humble
[8] Ranger @ > Stephen Robins | 21-Mar-06/8:07 AM | Reply
[n/a] Stephen Robins @ > Ranger | 21-Mar-06/8:25 AM | Reply
Quite frankly, no:

I have had the honour to be Ben Fogle's proximity on two occasions. The first was at a game of polo where he wore a splendid tweed ensemble finished off with a rakish pair of Wellington Boots. The gash was quite literrely swooning all over him as he lisped about the latest series of animal park.

The second occasion was on a beach in Devon where he defied common decency and bestrode the golden sands in nought but a pair of speedos. To say the g'wat were having wide ons all over the beach is to ignore the frantic rustling as they rubbed their pubic mounds.

He is an example to us all.
[8] wilco @ | 21-Mar-06/7:39 PM | Reply
"I swear I saw an ewok, Grinning between your legs," is the funniest thing I've ever heard. 8 - just for that.
[10] Scarlett @ | 24-Mar-06/7:44 AM | Reply
Oh my God, this is awful... *still laughing*
[5] Edna Sweetlove @ | 29-Aug-06/10:59 AM | Reply
Very high class indeed. Who's Michael Stipe?
[10] conny lingers @ 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 | 23-Jan-23/9:56 AM | Reply
Charmingly puerile.
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