| Re: I Got the Romanian Flea-Bitten Blues by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
Edna Sweetlove 85.210.6.93 |
11-Aug-06/12:11 PM |
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This is very good indeed. Eric would be very proud of you were he sufficiently with us.
Bucharest is not as exciting as Newcastle of course.
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| Re: I Got the Romanian Flea-Bitten Blues by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
Edna Sweetlove 85.210.6.93 |
11-Aug-06/12:12 PM |
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Why do you have the = signs and the _ sign in your name? And what is the "PI" for?
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| Re: Good King Brownceslas by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
Edna Sweetlove 85.210.6.93 |
11-Aug-06/12:14 PM |
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I liked this one. Some of your stuff is very clever. Some is not. Like the curate's egg.
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| Re: The Winturd Tale of Sir Donald Nudesby by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
Edna Sweetlove 85.210.6.93 |
11-Aug-06/12:15 PM |
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I don't know the source of this one. And i don't like the exclamation mark at the end. It's unnecessary.
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| Re: I don't usually write erotica and this is no exception by Edna Sweetlove |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 194.222.223.239 |
11-Aug-06/12:30 PM |
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This poeme is disappointing in comparison to the title, which is genius.
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| Re: Descartes' Immortal Truth by Edna Sweetlove |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 194.222.223.239 |
11-Aug-06/12:31 PM |
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Try to imagine not shitting. Does a contradiction arise from this proposition? You are a colossal boob.
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| Re: Memories Of Home by Edna Sweetlove |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.151.149.27 |
11-Aug-06/4:57 PM |
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Were I but ten years younger, I'd have scalded this piece beyond all reckoning. Alas my obstinate buttocks have outgrown their jodhpurs, and whilst they clung loyally to their master's haunches for a time, it was with an act of tearful necessity that I disembarked from their fleshy embrace and watched them flee like dwarves into the cold dark night.
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| Re: I Got the Romanian Flea-Bitten Blues by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
leonxic 70.244.48.17 |
11-Aug-06/10:11 PM |
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Truly an original subject and entertaining at that. I'll give it a ten for saying troopies, if for nothing else.
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| Re: Sarah Hine's Cries by rahson_s |
leonxic 70.244.48.17 |
11-Aug-06/10:15 PM |
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Well Sara, You better hope you don't live in Vegas, New York, or Miami because CSI will find the truth. They don't fuck around.
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| Re: How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina |
leonxic 70.244.48.17 |
11-Aug-06/10:19 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
leonxic 70.244.48.17 |
11-Aug-06/10:27 PM |
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I'm afraid to give a low score because it may bruise your emotions, but then again...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
leonxic 70.244.48.17 |
11-Aug-06/10:36 PM |
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No, no, no. Bad Stephen Robins. It sounds too much like suburbian hip-hop (otherwise known as shit).
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| Re: flow-charts by FreeFormFixation |
MacFrantic 71.208.112.134 |
12-Aug-06/1:00 AM |
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Ha! "Flows" perfectly. A wonderful statement. Especially liked the last three lines. Kudos.
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| Re: How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina |
Ranger 86.131.57.119 |
12-Aug-06/1:07 AM |
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Heh, I spent so much time on mine recently that this made me grin from ear to ear :-D
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| Re: 9. The Second Life by A db C |
Ranger 86.131.57.119 |
12-Aug-06/1:13 AM |
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Good concept - is this following on from your other posts? you seem to have a well-thought story going on throughout. Actually, it seems a bit like an intro to an X-Files style story - I'd like to see how it concludes.
As for the poetics, it feels a little rough-edged to me. I think you've done the drafting, now for the crafting :-)
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| Re: I Got the Romanian Flea-Bitten Blues by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
Ranger 86.131.57.119 |
12-Aug-06/1:15 AM |
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Good stuff. The ranker's missed you.
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| Re: 6. Retina by A db C |
Ranger 86.131.57.119 |
12-Aug-06/1:26 AM |
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In such a short piece it's usually a good idea not to repeat the same word (meaning) if possible - it gives the impression of a lack of imagination (which you clearly don't lack, if these poems are anything to go by).
I'd change 'meaninglessness' (a bit unpoetic?), 'mind's eye' (cliche) and 'where love lies freely, unleashed (doesn't add anything to the poem for me). Liked the first line and 'I stared at the sun to form the blur' a lot :-)
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| Re: 6. Retina by A db C |
ALChemy 71.75.188.163 |
12-Aug-06/8:39 AM |
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Are you familier with the bonus track at the end of Tool's Undertow album by any chance?
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| Re: Something More by drnick |
ALChemy 71.75.188.163 |
12-Aug-06/8:42 AM |
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Damn you got rythm my brotha.
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| Re: I Got the Romanian Flea-Bitten Blues by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
ALChemy 71.75.188.163 |
12-Aug-06/8:48 AM |
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Very good, but can you do Rap?
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