Re: weather poem part 10: reprise by nypoet22	ecargo 63.22.89.248	10-Sep-06/6:18 PM
"fan-blown dark" is my favorite line. The "thrust and parry" of tongues, like a duel, is a little overused, IMO, but I do like the parallel with the fan blades cuting through air and silence and the "cuts she had suffered" adds a further touch of connectedness. The last line kind of loses me--I think I get why you went that way, but it seems like a bit of overblown dialect. Still, nice cohesiveness of imagery in this. Not sure I get how your multi-part poem fits together yet. Will be interesting to see all the pieces assembled.
Re: weather poem part 9: song for gloria by nypoet22	Dovina 12.72.45.68	10-Sep-06/6:34 PM
I wonder why you present these parts from the last, working toward the first, and why they are written in different styles, united as you say, by the theme of weather. All of them, up to this point, have some good lines, but I believe I'd do better in following your theme if the intro part were given first.
Re: weather poem part 12: a dream by nypoet22	Dovina 12.72.45.68	10-Sep-06/6:38 PM
Now that I've read parts 9-11 of your weather series, I see how this can be a great ending, especially the last verse.
Re: Doubt by Dovina	nypoet22 70.149.108.240	10-Sep-06/9:35 PM
i'm not seeing much beyond the biblical story here, though i like the cadence. the meter of this is interesting; every second verse is 4-3-4-3 and the others are mostly all 4's. is there a reason for this? in the first stanza i think the second line has to go, too much tell and not enough show. i like the last stanza the most.
Re: From Across the Line by Dovina	nypoet22 70.149.108.240	10-Sep-06/9:46 PM
i love this except the last line of the second to last stanza and first line of the last. i was really pining to see the poem close where it opened - if i may be so bold: "tear down the foundations of my Rose Bowl!" O Daughter of Disneyland, doomed to destruction,
Re: Royal Blades by Dovina	nypoet22 70.149.108.240	10-Sep-06/9:49 PM
i like this even more for knowing its background.
Re: Wet dreams by ecargo	nypoet22 70.149.108.240	10-Sep-06/10:08 PM
hah, wet dreams as in water, fetishy. pale ghost seems in the wrong place in its line. funny how the first and last stanzas are like couplets while the rest is rife with internal rhyme.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.72.43.12	11-Sep-06/7:18 AM
This is better than your others in my opinion. Still, you'd do better to avoid the telling introductory line - Line 2, and the point you want to prove, expressed in the rest of Verse 1. I'd begin with Verse 2, and change the title to something like, "Crest." The last two lines change the theme a bit, and are better left out - again my opinion.
Re: Final Goregasm by creepshow	Ranger 81.158.78.100	11-Sep-06/9:21 AM
Are you a Jack the Ripper fan?
Re: The Clock and the Storm by cleverdevice	Ranger 81.158.78.100	11-Sep-06/9:23 AM
Excellent spelling! Have you gone back to Durham yet?
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 81.158.78.100	11-Sep-06/9:26 AM
Read this with a piano playing something in a minor key in the background. So fucking beautiful.
Re: Flood Land, East Kentucky by zodiac	Dan garcia-Black 67.72.98.45	11-Sep-06/9:36 AM
"old bottles that the river brung" and "all this from in the house, but it was not of us," sucked me under the house with the rest of the junk. You really are a poet, Damn You!
Re: Wet dreams by ecargo	Ranger 81.158.78.100	11-Sep-06/9:38 AM
I found 'mother bulk' incredibly difficult to reconcile with the title...could just be me, I guess. Also, 'spray of sun' was difficult - although it's a lovely phrase - because of the earlier links with night (again, could just be me, I'm tired so bear with me ;-) ). The description is super and I do like the rhymes :-)
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 81.158.78.100	11-Sep-06/9:40 AM
Damn funny but I find the idea of my genitals becoming chocolate to be utterly terrifying...
Re: Flood Land, East Kentucky by zodiac	ecargo 167.219.88.140	11-Sep-06/9:41 AM
Damn, you really are good. The dialect comes off as unforced and authentic (to my Yankee ear, it must be said--I guess the real test is how a Kentuckian would take it). Great details; restrained and, for that, quite moving pathos; all your usual magic. Even the meter works--alexandrines, for the most part, I guess? So much packed into such a short poem. Really well done.
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 167.219.88.140	11-Sep-06/9:42 AM
Hee--cute.
Re: Flood Land, East Kentucky by zodiac	Ranger 81.158.78.100	11-Sep-06/9:49 AM
This demands several reads, awesome lines and a compelling story. I suck at accents and dialects, so I'll have to assume you've got it right, but that's not a difficult assumption to justify.
Re: I Have a Brain That Glows In the Dark by colbaby	Ranger 81.151.9.127	12-Sep-06/12:09 AM
I think Steve Irwin's untimely demise might have unhinged you. Fucking funny poems though :-D
Re: When I Were a Duck by colbaby	Ranger 81.151.9.127	12-Sep-06/12:09 AM
Brilliance -9-
Re: a limerick from kent by nentwined	Ranger 81.151.9.127	12-Sep-06/12:10 AM
Uh-oh...