poetandknowit
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2003, 8:29 PM
Odd and over used adjectives popping up like pimples on the moons lovely face. Ouch! And why no caps. Is that a choice of style, because if it is, it really doesn't help the poem much. Maybe the poem would be better if you tried to simplify what you are trying to say instead of wrapping it up in cliché.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2003, 8:33 PM
I've never been one for caps in my poetry. I however do cap when submitting my work. I have sent in pieces that were not capped and they were published. Hmmm...they might of capped them. ;)Thank you for your comments.
You must be Native American.What Occasion may I ask?
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2003, 8:49 PM
We've all had those feelings. :)
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2003, 8:21 PM
Some guy was harrassing me. So I just deleted my poetry. It's ok, I'm not going to let him get to me. I paid a visit to his gallery and went off on him "Italian Style" ;)
is there an echo in here?
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2003, 8:28 PM
Great idea, grazie. I also have a typo I see. I shouldn't of rushed. This was actually just a journal entry I typed up one morning. :)
A lovely piece through and through. Bravo, Tesoro.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2003, 8:46 PM
Grazie. I just tossed a few pieces up today before work. I want to get "The Replacement" back up. I wrote that after watching "Band of Brothers" in which was a wonderful and moving movie. Thanks for dropping in. :)
As are you with this. You know, someone likes giving bunches of those anonymous 0's also. Write one for those cowards.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2003, 8:50 PM
The title drew me in...wonderul word play in this.
Hmm, possibly your best so far? no, but close.
Lovely. And such original thinking to go along with it.
Very thought provoking. I like your style.
Great concept and style. I love the message behind your words.
Cutting edge, dude.
It is a song. Take the verse about Grand-pa and build on it, I'd be interested in hearing that. Not that thas isn"t interesting, but I especially like that image. Talk about how it's bringing grandma down, etc.
Verse 4, line 2, heeded? Leave my with a smile baby, I'll still love you in the morning.Especially after the poems you would be bound to write about the smile I put on you.
I am far from learned, so I cannot offer much critique. Here is a ten.
What is an infant rainbow as opposed to just a rainbow? And are they not limitied to a certain number of colors?
What is a veil of oblivion?