L-4 with much stronger ties. small bump.

two questions: Why only one (C)? How does one turn themselves over to their ruling planet, anyway.

Very sexual; made me think of a chastity belt. and with an excellent cadence.

a flash of inspiration.

"rotting time" "hollow stone" "eternal view" "insomniatic dreams" I could do with one less "warm" in the last stanza.

Wistful--I love the playing with time, the nonlinear narrative, what was, might have been, would be, will be. The sporadic rhyming gives this a haunting music--very elegantly done.

The last verse makes worth the reading of the first two, though, you could have left off all but the last and had a much better poem.

Let’s see: Line 1: cliché Line: 2: cliché Line 3: cliché Line 4: what are you 14? Line 5: vague and bordering cliché Line6: cliché Line 7/8: see Line 4. Line: 9 cliché Line 10: See line 4. Line 11: why not ev’r more for effect, I mean the poem is shit anyway, might as well go all the way. Line 12: it’s “it’” – also see line 4. Line 13/14/15: could be good if not leaning toward cliché Line 16: stupid. See line 4. Other than that lovely. And such original thinking.

Might I suggest a collapsing parking structure and a legless prostitute in a rusting radio flyer?

Call it "Drug Addict".

Catchy and glandular.

Quite good.

Poetry now in hatterscope harevision! (Nice images) A late harvest or a harvest too soon? (I always peg you on your titles, but it's because I like where you're coming from)

jsp?id=....oh damn, I deleted it. Curse my Sagittarian self!!!!!!

I very much enjoyed this. It was hard to read aloud, as I kept interrupting myself with laughter.

Definitely singable. I can see Mr. Rogers crooning this to his shoe.

You tell a good tale. Some minor snipping could make this even more immediate (small stuff--like in the first verse, "teams of chainsaws cope" makes "trying to deal" unnecessary; drop "unfortunately" (telling); stuff like that). I like the ending.

Masochistic or inordinantly fond of your teeth?

Very good. Wonderful images. I like the comparison made between the last verse and the rest.

Indeede, a fine yarn in true 'rankerlecherous tradition.