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Drug Addict (Free verse) by SupremeDreamer empty have been my dreams
like hollow stones
whispers and fading winds
all that i hear now, i fear.
ghost visions and shadows
haunt the walls, in this old room.
seems like years ago, when i would
break the window and run away.
the morning dreams have come again
along with the insomnia, my reality warps
once more.
its warm in this time capsul
and lonely, the pipe warm
the smoke curling slow
before the morning rays.
a lovely coffin.
Up the ladder:
the two faces of the bar social.
Down the ladder:
Desperate Season
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Posted: October 20, 2003 12:38 AM PDT; Last modified: October 20, 2003 12:38 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.336177 Overall Rank: 3457 Comments:
"rotting time"
"hollow stone" "eternal view" "insomniatic dreams" I could do with one less "warm" in the last stanza.
Letâs see:
Line 1: cliché Line: 2: cliché Line 3: cliché Line 4: what are you 14? Line 5: vague and bordering cliché Line6: cliché Line 7/8: see Line 4. Line: 9 cliché Line 10: See line 4. Line 11: why not evâr more for effect, I mean the poem is shit anyway, might as well go all the way. Line 12: itâs âitââ â also see line 4. Line 13/14/15: could be good if not leaning toward cliché Line 16: stupid. See line 4. Other than that lovely. And such original thinking.
Why not use Dr. Carawax's patented automatronic poetry-criticism Process? It's top!
http://www.mycgiserver.com/~prawne/medio
Brilliant!!
My mother started using it, and now her age spots have completely faded away!
I fear you have confused Carawax's Process with Carawax's Liniment. Quickly, make sure she hasn't ... O God!
Have Mr. Fire put it to work and I shall.
Pardon the malfunction in Line 12. It should read itâs (used properly) âitâsâ. With Mr. Angelâs time saving device, I would have been spared such indignities.
i think i hate it when you say "Other than that lovely. And such original thinking."
sarcasm hasnt been as viciouse untill you came along. anyway, self pity is cliche ridden, usually, sue me. i wrote it to whine, publicly.
"self pity is cliche ridden" is a fallacy.
"sarcasm hasnt been as viciouse untill you came along" - I have always been here.
Call it "Drug Addict".
Good one! While you're at it, why not purloin a pea-green Civilian's Cape and smoke opium from a vessel of your own self-pity?
hrmm. why not? thanks for the title.
New Mediocrity Code: 34C8A040
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