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Lake Arrowhead (Free verse) by abecedarian
Around Arrowhead Lake Teams of chainsaws cope Trying to deal with once evergreen now brown This radius of nature’s neglect so quick to double All witness to search this tragedy Seeking a solution or at least someone to accuse But our delight in this brown needle shower and the turpene air thick with pine dust reveals a lack of innocence a bath of blood and the scent of death if we were to imagine it so But we do not And the large blue tube that punctures the lake, the dead and drying life around me, and the small appealing bottle in my hand I pretend all are unrelated in an absolute lie of scale Unfortunately this does not end with aiding and abetting Or complicity in this vast unorchestrated human conspiracy The true reason for this shallow memorial and my discomfort Is that I cannot decide if I have truly committed a crime – For even the warring maiden Joan of Arc, my agnostic patron saint of passion, stood only so long against inevitability

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.4615383
Weighted score: 6.06847
Overall Rank: 1181
Posted: October 19, 2003 8:39 PM PDT; Last modified: October 19, 2003 8:39 PM PDT
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Comments:
[10] Shardik @ 24.126.113.154 | 19-Oct-03/11:58 PM | Reply
Wow, and I mean that like WOW! Bravo, a moving piece. I'm impressed 10. and a GOLDEN Q TIP AWARD. hats off.
[n/a] abecedarian @ 4.40.32.229 > Shardik | 20-Oct-03/10:06 AM | Reply
Thank you.
[10] Shardik @ 24.126.113.154 | 19-Oct-03/11:59 PM | Reply
If you mean California? I agree passionately.
[n/a] abecedarian @ 4.40.32.229 > Shardik | 20-Oct-03/9:38 AM | Reply
Yes, absolutely CA, I just got back from the Lake and (having been there before) was absolutely shocked (horrified)(a little morbidly delighted) to see what I saw.
[n/a] ecargo @ 64.252.65.208 | 20-Oct-03/8:17 PM | Reply
You tell a good tale. Some minor snipping could make this even more immediate (small stuff--like in the first verse, "teams of chainsaws cope" makes "trying to deal" unnecessary; drop "unfortunately" (telling); stuff like that). I like the ending.
[n/a] abecedarian @ 4.40.32.229 > ecargo | 21-Oct-03/9:01 PM | Reply
Good points all. The 'cope' was meant in other ways besides the exact synonym of 'trying to deal', though. Thanks for the read.
[8] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 20-Oct-03/9:24 PM | Reply
I'm going to save a limb from an electronic tree and just agree with hatters hare completely.

There is some wonderful language in this, particularly in the "Unfortunately..." stanza.
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